| Re: Swoon by Dovina |
INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67 |
25-May-05/3:17 PM |
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Well, I can't say that I could write romantic poetry near as well, as I'm from the "other side of the tracks".
Thank god I wear a tea cozy. And I ordered a new one in Naugahyde , with a sea-shell veil. That's right. Surf and turf headwear.
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| Re: The Jesus Belt by Caducus |
INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67 |
25-May-05/2:53 PM |
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I like this but I feel like a dunce for not knowing who "she" -is. Honestly I think the psuedo-rhyme hurts it.
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| Re: a comment on MTV's The Real World: Poemranker by Bluemonkey |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 82.39.21.227 |
25-May-05/2:52 PM |
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You could write about your Floppingtons.
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| Re: Finding Gin and Santa by richa |
INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67 |
25-May-05/2:48 PM |
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I forgot to come back to this. I'm waggin'!
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| Re: Untitled by camperdfl |
INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67 |
25-May-05/2:43 PM |
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Make the punch-line punchier. Otherwise, a good way to practice the damnable sonnet.
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| Re: in love by crystal4 |
sk8rs_rule_all 24.160.154.168 |
25-May-05/12:30 PM |
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Dove and Love......
truely original.
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| Re: a comment on Never Ending Cycle by ingwa |
ingwa 80.45.148.169 |
25-May-05/12:05 PM |
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Thanks for the suggestions nentwined...they are certainly being considered and taken on board. I'm sure the pearl is there, trouble at the moment is finding it :)
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| Re: a comment on MTV's The Real World: Allpoetry.com by Bluemonkey |
Bluemonkey 170.141.68.99 |
25-May-05/8:33 AM |
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I apologize, my friend, but Nentwined has yet to put a category on the Poemranker called Bluemonkey's Haiku...the moment the does I'll change it, I assure you.
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| Re: From Hell, a Vilanelle by horus8 |
INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67 |
25-May-05/7:32 AM |
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| Re: soul searching by fair12 |
nentwined 68.232.253.181 |
24-May-05/7:13 PM |
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pretty, but just sort of glides past.
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| Re: Drinking and driving by SILYLILGURL |
nentwined 68.232.253.181 |
24-May-05/7:12 PM |
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The onomotopeaia of the first line doesn't really work for me. Beyond that, this reads as the outline of a poem that covers tired ground, but could say it in an interesting manner.
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| Re: between you and me there is nothing by silvertongueddevil |
nentwined 68.232.253.181 |
24-May-05/7:08 PM |
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I don't get the "fragile oyster flesh". Beyond that, I think this does what it's attempting rather well.
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| Re: "I know what you need!" by A. Nomaly |
nentwined 68.232.253.181 |
24-May-05/7:07 PM |
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Umm. Haiku in spirit, esque, but. Hmm.
No, but I like it. I'd appreciate it a lot more if you'd gotten it into 5-7-5.
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| Re: Anvil man by INTRANSIT |
nentwined 68.232.253.181 |
24-May-05/7:03 PM |
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"master's molten steel whip" or "masters' molten steel whips"
though I can't really picture a whip of molten steel being very effective
I like what you're doing, but think it needs some grinding. Needs some sharper edges, maybe a bit more beat...
(forgive:
Nine to fiver, slammer, anvil-man!
Anvil-man that waits, still,
for the master's molten whip
and the blows of an ever-climbing load
of work;
Hold fast your shape as he wails the world
and clank your affirmation
as you have done since birth by casting. ))
The second works fairly well as it stands, perhaps.
Though, then, together, I don't get the cohesion of the piece. Why is the mill talking to the anvil? I'm only getting "You exist! I exist!", and I want something more from the exchange...
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| Re: A stitch by EAger to Offend |
nentwined 68.232.253.181 |
24-May-05/6:57 PM |
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uses a few too many words, or perhaps the words it uses just aren't as effective as they could be. Simple statement, which in this case I think is good, but doesn't work for me. The horrible pop song reference in particular... Hmm. Make me _feel_ these things, describe them instead of name them, perhaps.
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| Re: Eating My Soul by little_big_nose |
nentwined 68.232.253.181 |
24-May-05/6:55 PM |
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| Re: Hopeless shelter by little_big_nose |
nentwined 68.232.253.181 |
24-May-05/6:55 PM |
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pimple, though could work as cheap death metal lyrics, perhaps. Has a nice, swift flow.
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| Re: Stranger by Roisin |
nentwined 68.232.253.181 |
24-May-05/6:53 PM |
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Very interesting. Simple, with a hint of meta. I think I like.
Speaking of, perhaps there should be an "add this to your favorites" from the poem-vote page...
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| Re: To Step Aside And See You Smile by LovingWhispers |
nentwined 68.232.253.181 |
24-May-05/6:53 PM |
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dense, hasn't really said anything by the sixth line that makes me want to read on...
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| Re: Where was god? by little_big_nose |
nentwined 68.232.253.181 |
24-May-05/6:52 PM |
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