Re: Star Studded Supermarket by [mojo]	INTRANSIT 205.188.116.72	26-May-05/6:30 AM
This is funny and worth the effort to iron out. My first thoughts are: lose stanza 10, the clouds. and go with the four line stanzas. Really! Do this ! Or else!
Re: Star Studded Supermarket by [mojo]	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	26-May-05/4:49 AM
It's almost funny. You should have quit after stanza four. Rewrite this. In satirical proza.
Re: Kiteflying by april fool	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	26-May-05/4:44 AM
This reads like a commercial rhyme from the 1950's...
Re: honey bee by ThePariahDog	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	26-May-05/4:42 AM
'Mellifluent' sets off the rhythm of the poem, but right after that rhythm isn't maintained... I can't place the 'replaced' bit.
Re: Watcher by windyone	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	25-May-05/6:38 PM
Agree with Rockmage. But I also object to the treatment of the story. The pain, the pain. Could be the base for a poem that does not need the word 'pain'... << her lover can't, or won't love her >> Perhaps she's unbearable ugly? Frigid? He found out she wasn't the rich bitch he thought she was? You don't show anything. She, watching him leave the house with a stiff back, clenched fists, for instance. An empty stare. An upturned dinnerplate on the tabel. There are so many ways to visualize relational pain. The best lines are the last one and 'It's all the same to her', but they become statements that call for an explanation. They are too detached from what it is all about.
Re: Watcher by windyone	wilco 24.165.207.93	25-May-05/6:31 PM
What's the point to all of this? Could've been a lot shorter saying: Sad Girl No Love Pain She's changed.
Re: Semite to Semite by PodPoet	wilco 24.165.207.93	25-May-05/6:26 PM
The indentations are not needed. Also for someone who wants to kill the cliche, there's a lot of it here...maybe that's the point.
Re: Never Ending Cycle by ingwa	wilco 24.165.207.93	25-May-05/6:23 PM
Some interfsting images here, but Rockmage is right above: They don't hang together well.
Re: MTV's The Real World: Poemranker by Bluemonkey	wilco 24.165.207.93	25-May-05/6:20 PM
mmmph...
Re: MTV's The Real World: Allpoetry.com by Bluemonkey	wilco 24.165.207.93	25-May-05/6:17 PM
Ever the asshole...
Re: The Gravity of Love by april fool	windyone 63.245.189.142	25-May-05/5:04 PM
let us know when you do
Re: Die tomorrow by little_big_nose	windyone 63.245.189.142	25-May-05/5:01 PM
been there done.... that time to split
Re: mountain creek by brazen	windyone 63.245.189.142	25-May-05/5:00 PM
good I liked this one
Re: Applicative-Order Fixed-Point Operator by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Dan garcia-Black 69.231.117.80	25-May-05/4:44 PM
DAPI you are funny.
Re: Thinkin of ya! by KezzY20	windyone 63.245.189.142	25-May-05/4:26 PM
nice sentiments..prepsre for bashing comments from others
Re: a comment on you will feel by nentwined	nentwined 64.60.192.130	25-May-05/4:26 PM
It continues, yes. Thanks for the three. :)
Re: you will feel by nentwined	windyone 63.245.189.142	25-May-05/4:24 PM
have a good trip
Re: The Son Of by malakin	windyone 63.245.189.142	25-May-05/4:24 PM
Excellent!I needed to read this today! Thanks
Re: Crossing the Mojave by INTRANSIT	Quarton 12.217.210.219	25-May-05/4:21 PM
A solid nine. Fascinating!
Re: A Flower for Monet by Shuushin	Quarton 12.217.210.219	25-May-05/4:06 PM
Quite simply elegant and I don't impress easily. The best I have read at this site.