Re: WAIT UNTIL THE END by celticskatermatt1	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-Jun-05/5:16 PM
This is pretty shitty
Re: grin and stand by celticskatermatt1	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-Jun-05/5:09 PM
Sigh. Why do I bother? >>tungue<< ----tongue >>firey<< -----fiery >>wisper<< ----whisper >>cant<< ------oh yes of course, the new, cool spelling we all race thru life theez days, from work 2 parkinglot 2 nightjob 2 parkinglot 2 pc 2 parkinglot 2 bar 2 mortician & graveyard, so we cant be bothrd by writng crect nmore. >>sweat is soaking on my brow<< You obviously never sweat. What is the sweat soaking? Your brow? Must be an awful sight, those flaps of soaked through, pulpy skin coming loose...she wont find u so great anymoor Writers who write down without thinking are no writers.
Re: Regime Change by Nicholas Jones	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	19-Jun-05/3:28 PM
Another vietnam? Another Afganistan would be more acurate, but that doesn't strike the same chord.
Re: a comment on Bible Quoting Fag Killer (So it is said) by Blindproject217	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	19-Jun-05/3:21 PM
I like the bumper sticker that reads, "I'm a Militant Agnostic - I don't know and neither do you." Then again, I also like what Francis Schaeffer said to one man who claimed to be an agnostic, "'Agnostic', that's Greek, isn't it? In Latin that would be 'Ignoramus,'" or words to that effect.
Re: a comment on Bible Quoting Fag Killer (So it is said) by Blindproject217	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	19-Jun-05/3:14 PM
"Maybe Im brainwashed like p&k said. But I cant be wrong, realizing that your whole life has been a lie, do know how mind-blowing that concept is. Waking up and coming to grips with the fact that every thing that you to be right and wrong is all grey?" Been There, Done That Bought The Damn T-shirt The sexual repression of paternalistic monotheistic religions can be great inspiration for art... but the pagans had better technique. There's plenty of angst and angst poetry around. (I'm not above adding my crap to the pile.) It sounds like you're almost read to move on. From experience, you'll thank yourself on so many levels when you do so.
Re: a comment on Nonsense POEM #14687 by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.129.110.157	19-Jun-05/2:49 PM
gosh. never heard of traditional nonsense poetry.
Re: AIDS in a van by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	19-Jun-05/2:42 PM
"If God had meant for men to have sex with other men then he would have put holes in their butts..." or so I've heard from certain individuals who've lost the ability to discern excrement from extreme snowboot shinola.
Re: a comment on Contemplation by raiyna	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-Jun-05/2:31 PM
I gave you feedback. About the blizzard of puncts. But I have a feeling you're attached to them.
Re: a comment on "The Buick", or, "to my grandfather" by david	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-Jun-05/2:29 PM
I go along with Joshua partly. After the last two lines, especially because of those last lines, I'm left a bit unsatisfied. Although I realise the War itself isn't so relevant. And why change from present to past? It doesn't look too wrong, I simply wonder why.
Re: a comment on Kiss Me by smiffy84	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-Jun-05/2:13 PM
>>my arm is red<< There are actually a lot clues and I admit, I didn't see them. A new approach is required... No, it's not a good poem. It's far, far too long and is basically a written account of a filmed event with a soundtrack of you telling what you, at exact this and this moment, think and feel. It's really too much. Subjects like these call for subtility. Poem's not crude, it's not graphic, it's simply too much.
Re: a comment on Contemplation by raiyna	raiyna 65.32.172.65	19-Jun-05/1:19 PM
It's fine to criticize, but at least give me some feedback. What suggestions do you have so I may improve?
Re: "The Buick", or, "to my grandfather" by david	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	19-Jun-05/12:27 PM
This is what free verse should be. There's a story that is being told by the images rather than exposited by the narrator, there are emotions being conveyed rather than explained, and there is a certain trust in the readers that they should determine for themselves if there are lessons, values or judgements to be made from the scene.
Re: After The Years Howl By by Lenore	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	19-Jun-05/12:20 PM
Could be tighter with more active voice, but bitter-sweet with good foreshadowing. Nice.
Re: I Go On by drumrgirl30	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	19-Jun-05/12:16 PM
The problem with beginning a poem with rhymes is that you set your reader up to expect them. When you broke the last line, you disturbed those expectations. That is fine if it is deliberate, but you need tighter verse and better rhythm to convince the reader that you didn't simply make a mistake.
Re: a comment on White Stork by Blue Magpie	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	19-Jun-05/12:07 PM
It's ABBA, but still difficult to pull off. I'm not sure how to parse line 7.
Re: a comment on A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	19-Jun-05/11:54 AM
Lollipop, lollipop. Oh, lolly, lollipop. Lollipop! I agree that triteness and cliché are generally to be avoided, but I don't think that it has to spoil a particular work. The main things are to avoid obvious work arounds and to avoid hingeing the development of the poem on the afflicted lines. In this case, the offending couplet originated later in the development of the poem, but I moved it closer to the begining in order to de-emphasize it.
Re: a comment on A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	19-Jun-05/11:45 AM
Line 8 began with "and" at one point. I cut it in one revision and forgot to replace it. I think that I need a different 3 syllables before 'word' to make the reader feel more comfortable putting the stress on 'her.' If you read it in iambic, it make the emphasis that I wanted when I was in the middle of the TABS (Teenage Angst...), but I shouldn't have to rely on the reader to force the rhythm for me.
Re: a comment on Kiss Me by smiffy84	smiffy84 82.37.197.13	19-Jun-05/11:30 AM
Right, so many misconceptions here, my own fault, I should imagine, but still. This poem is not about kisses, foreplay, or anything like that. It is written about the period in my life where I self- harmed. The "Friend" is the knife, the "Kiss" is the actual act of cutting my arm, the fire is exactly what it says on the tin; I would heat the knife in the fire before cutting myself to reduce the risk of infection, and also to increase the sensation when i cut. Nothing sexual in there, unless you're into that kind of thing
Re: a comment on A limerick by smiffy84	smiffy84 82.37.197.13	19-Jun-05/11:26 AM
You would not have heard this when you were twelve, because I only wrote it last October during a University lecture at the University of Wolverhampton. I don't doubt that very similar limericks must exist, let's face it, it can be argued that all limericks are pretty much the same, but this one is all my own
Re: A limerick by smiffy84	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.180	19-Jun-05/10:52 AM
When I heard this (let's see. I was twelve), It ended with the word "brother." Incest is always best in limerick form.