Dan garcia-Black
on Kiss Me by smiffy84
19 Jun 2005, 10:47 AM
fire, blisters, kiss me, take me away with your gothic foreplay... but not this lifetime; not today.-3- for length.
So many nights just like the one described make me resonate with this poem. Now I have to shower with my flat screen monitor. A bit of William Carlos Williams or Carlos William Carlos in this one.
Yeah, you're right. Those pumpkin shells don't keep them very well.
Good form.
>>The rain from spain falls mainly in their veins.<<
Ah! My Fair Lady in a theatrical reworking by Cheech & Chong!
Often the AA-BB form has all the subtility of a slogan for sanitary towels, bt you managed quite elegantly.
A pleasant read.
...contemplation...by...a...tortoise...
In other words; you ruined your own poem.
The frustrating thing about rhyming is that a lot of interesting and beautiful words cannot be used at the end of a line because they simply have no onomatopoeiac (?) equivalent. Unless you pull the alliteration trick (sort of fake rhyming). All you can do is stash those words away by changing the sentence structure. Which often results in a struggle with the conjugation of the verb. I think that's the reason why so many writers yield to prose-poetry. They also think that the contents, their story, offers all the poetry a reader needs. Ha!
You object to rhyming cliché's like Moon/June, but I'd rather see those lollipop words halfway through a line than lines full of so-called literary words that grate in sound. Matter of taste? I'm not so sure.
Not enough variation to avoid rhyming "love" and "above". You might be tempted to ask, What's wrong with that?
This is: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
But let's pretend for a moment this is a satisfactory answer.
Are you Ashley? http://tinyurl.com/9f9ap
Or Russell John? http://tinyurl.com/9tsp9
Or one of these people? http://tinyurl.com/abf6q
Or one of these? http://tinyurl.com/bth83
You could not more obviously be the same person if one of you existed in the other one's ass. Look at your messages. They're exactly the same, posted from the same IP# within fifteen minutes of each other.
And by the way, neither of your responses is a satisfactory answer to, *********PLAGIARISM ALERT**********
Yes. You still want the apostrophe after the s.
I liked the title. I don't see how it relates to the poem. Which is also good.
Nonsense poetry, traditionally has rhyme and rhythm to compensate for the lack of meaning.
An interesting variation on the two main rhyme schemes. You seem to get a bit lost in the words in the middle, and in line 8 the words "She directs" are not iambic. However the biggest problem, technically is in the last line where 'hangs on' is a serious miss step, giving you a 'dum dum' where you need a 'dum da'.
Your comment on lines 7 to 11 is noted, but as I do not read American or even English newspapers and watch no TV in any English speaking country at all, and haven't done for years, there is little I can do about it.
sometimes feelings lie
Try "time worn smooth by emery" and you have a very tight, almost technically perfect piece.
I'd like to think that was intentional on the part of the writer. That dissonance is one of the things I appreciated about the poem.
Sweet! Nice rhythm. The rhymes work. The images are vivid.