Re: Kiss Me by smiffy84	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.180	19-Jun-05/10:47 AM
fire, blisters, kiss me, take me away with your gothic foreplay... but not this lifetime; not today.-3- for length.
Re: word splatter by nentwined	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.180	19-Jun-05/10:43 AM
So many nights just like the one described make me resonate with this poem. Now I have to shower with my flat screen monitor. A bit of William Carlos Williams or Carlos William Carlos in this one.
Re: The And women by INTRANSIT	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.180	19-Jun-05/10:37 AM
Yeah, you're right. Those pumpkin shells don't keep them very well.
Re: White Stork by Blue Magpie	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.180	19-Jun-05/10:30 AM
Good form.
Re: The And women by INTRANSIT	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-Jun-05/7:40 AM
>>The rain from spain falls mainly in their veins.<< Ah! My Fair Lady in a theatrical reworking by Cheech & Chong!
Re: White Stork by Blue Magpie	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-Jun-05/7:09 AM
Often the AA-BB form has all the subtility of a slogan for sanitary towels, bt you managed quite elegantly. A pleasant read.
Re: Contemplation by raiyna	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-Jun-05/7:04 AM
...contemplation...by...a...tortoise... In other words; you ruined your own poem.
Re: a comment on A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-Jun-05/6:47 AM
The frustrating thing about rhyming is that a lot of interesting and beautiful words cannot be used at the end of a line because they simply have no onomatopoeiac (?) equivalent. Unless you pull the alliteration trick (sort of fake rhyming). All you can do is stash those words away by changing the sentence structure. Which often results in a struggle with the conjugation of the verb. I think that's the reason why so many writers yield to prose-poetry. They also think that the contents, their story, offers all the poetry a reader needs. Ha! You object to rhyming cliché's like Moon/June, but I'd rather see those lollipop words halfway through a line than lines full of so-called literary words that grate in sound. Matter of taste? I'm not so sure.
Re: A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree	zodiac 213.186.177.137	19-Jun-05/5:26 AM
Not enough variation to avoid rhyming "love" and "above". You might be tempted to ask, What's wrong with that? This is: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=97622
Re: a comment on Naughty Poems (R) by untamed_fierce	zodiac 213.186.177.137	19-Jun-05/5:12 AM
But let's pretend for a moment this is a satisfactory answer. Are you Ashley? http://tinyurl.com/9f9ap Or Russell John? http://tinyurl.com/9tsp9 Or one of these people? http://tinyurl.com/abf6q Or one of these? http://tinyurl.com/bth83
Re: a comment on Naughty Poems (R) by untamed_fierce	zodiac 213.186.177.137	19-Jun-05/4:57 AM
You could not more obviously be the same person if one of you existed in the other one's ass. Look at your messages. They're exactly the same, posted from the same IP# within fifteen minutes of each other. And by the way, neither of your responses is a satisfactory answer to, *********PLAGIARISM ALERT**********
Re: a comment on Sisyphus' wife by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	zodiac 213.186.177.137	19-Jun-05/4:50 AM
Yes. You still want the apostrophe after the s.
Re: The And women by INTRANSIT	zodiac 213.186.177.137	19-Jun-05/4:47 AM
I liked the title. I don't see how it relates to the poem. Which is also good.
Re: Nonsense POEM #14687 by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.8	19-Jun-05/1:13 AM
Nonsense poetry, traditionally has rhyme and rhythm to compensate for the lack of meaning.
Re: A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.8	19-Jun-05/1:10 AM
An interesting variation on the two main rhyme schemes. You seem to get a bit lost in the words in the middle, and in line 8 the words "She directs" are not iambic. However the biggest problem, technically is in the last line where 'hangs on' is a serious miss step, giving you a 'dum dum' where you need a 'dum da'.
Re: a comment on Students by Blue Magpie	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.8	19-Jun-05/12:53 AM
Your comment on lines 7 to 11 is noted, but as I do not read American or even English newspapers and watch no TV in any English speaking country at all, and haven't done for years, there is little I can do about it.
Re: All in Love by gothiclovepoetiss	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.129.182.174	18-Jun-05/11:05 PM
sometimes feelings lie
Re: One Moment to the Other (v3) by nentwined	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	18-Jun-05/9:44 PM
Try "time worn smooth by emery" and you have a very tight, almost technically perfect piece.
Re: a comment on ~Witchcraft~ by Lenore	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	18-Jun-05/9:26 PM
I'd like to think that was intentional on the part of the writer. That dissonance is one of the things I appreciated about the poem.
Re: ~Witchcraft~ by Lenore	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	18-Jun-05/9:24 PM
Sweet! Nice rhythm. The rhymes work. The images are vivid.