Re: 9/5 by cronus	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/8:04 PM
Eighth line, get rid of 'That'.
Re: My Dad's Armchair. by Bethy	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/8:03 PM
Hmm. Get rid of the initial 'Oh'. Fifth stanza, get rid of 'and'. There are a few other rhythmic things I'd think could be changed, but can't think how. The end of each line does not require a punctuation mark.
Re: a comment on Stardust by TLRufener	TLRufener 140.146.216.76	7-Sep-05/8:02 PM
I changed what I felt should be changed. wing ---> wings were ---> are
Re: Stardust by TLRufener	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:58 PM
Let me see... I read and voted on this twenty minutes ago. What exactly have you changed?
Re: Stop stalking me, eventually by T. Jonathron Remp	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:41 PM
'Stop kidnapping my pet'... Wonderful. How often has the stalker done so? Does the pet just keep reappearing on the doorstep or something?
Re: Small-town Postal Clerk Considers Inspiration by zodiac	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:40 PM
I'd prefer it as a prose poem. But that's just me.
Re: ANALYZE THIS by drnick	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:38 PM
If this had turned out to be an acrostic, it would have been brilliant. As it is...
Re: His homage to the sea by Beyond_Dreams	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:37 PM
Hmm. Needs a rewrite. Sharpen it up.
Re: Stardust by TLRufener	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:34 PM
Heavens. Love/above. How original. Yawn. Line 12: Put wings in the plural and get rid of 'were'. That helps the rhythm. However, for the sake of rhyme you have put that one line in past tense while the rest of the poem is in the present. It can work, but it seems odd. I'd also suggest changing it to 'down on you and I' throughout, thus adding to the five syllable rhythm threading through this whole thing (5, 8, 10, 11, 15).
Re: Watch where you're swingin' your dipthong, buddy by INTRANSIT	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:26 PM
Amusing. From the sheer poetical point of view, a lesser effort than what I've come to expect of you. It balances out.
Re: Letting Go by longships	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:24 PM
You get a point for using the word 'Façade'. Another for giving it a cedilla. The 'Night of a thousand white eyes' gets you a third. The rest is dreck. Start from those two things and do it again.
Re: this has happened more than a few times by ay deee	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:21 PM
Here's a hint: stop making eye contact. Everyone you pass probably thinks you odd.
Re: Cat Poem by MacFrantic	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:18 PM
Aww. That's lovely. I'd recommend getting rid of the last line, though. It works well with it, but it seems like a touch of gilt to a lily. If you like flowers that way, on the other hand...
Re: a comment on Stop stalking me, eventually by T. Jonathron Remp	T. Jonathron Remp 128.252.89.186	7-Sep-05/7:18 PM
hahahhha
Re: Stop stalking me, eventually by T. Jonathron Remp	wilco 66.61.101.130	7-Sep-05/7:02 PM
This is what Dr. Seuss would've written had he been mentally retarded. Seriously...this is just horrible. You're capable of better, I know...
Re: modern death(Debuffeted) by Crakyamuni	wilco 66.61.101.130	7-Sep-05/6:51 PM
I've seen you do better and I think you could probably make this quite a bit better if you gave it your full attention. However, not bad as is.
Re: ANALYZE THIS by drnick	wilco 66.61.101.130	7-Sep-05/6:47 PM
ummmmmm....
Re: a comment on AIDS in a van by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.159.221.190	7-Sep-05/6:25 AM
-=AIDS=-
Re: Confession of a troubled man by Hostileintent	Heather Dee 63.17.38.111	7-Sep-05/1:17 AM
Very good. Are we split personality???
Re: with no words to write (v2) by nentwined	Heather Dee 63.17.38.111	7-Sep-05/1:16 AM
What????