Here's a hint: stop making eye contact. Everyone you pass probably thinks you odd.

Aww. That's lovely. I'd recommend getting rid of the last line, though. It works well with it, but it seems like a touch of gilt to a lily. If you like flowers that way, on the other hand...

This is what Dr. Seuss would've written had he been mentally retarded. Seriously...this is just horrible. You're capable of better, I know...

I've seen you do better and I think you could probably make this quite a bit better if you gave it your full attention. However, not bad as is.

ummmmmm....

Very good. Are we split personality???

What????

Great poem I love it!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry how old were you when you wrote this?

Oops, that post is http://hellicane.blogspot.com

Please consider submitting this wonderful poem to http://hellicane.blogspot.com -- poems by, for and about the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Thanks.

Please consider submitting this poem to http://hellicane.blogspot. com -- poems by, for and about the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Thanks.

also I'm an asshole.

This reads like some childs diary entry, and it bores the life out of me. I need a nap.

And 18345 which doesn't need work. these are good examples of relatively simple rhyme that can easily ratchet up a poem.