| Re: a comment on First Love by Dovina |
Dovina 12.74.103.59 |
6-Sep-05/6:13 AM |
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I see, and saw before you said the trite thing, your point.
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| Re: a comment on First Love by Dovina |
Dovina 12.74.103.59 |
6-Sep-05/6:12 AM |
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The word "that" when used in a poem is distrsacting to me. I avoid it in favor of brevity, and at the expense of rhythm, most of the time. Meaning is better than rhythm, in my possibly obsolete opinion.
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| Re: Small-town Postal Clerk Considers Inspiration by zodiac |
INTRANSIT 205.188.116.69 |
6-Sep-05/5:48 AM |
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HELP! Excelsior is wood shavings?! Can't be. Makes no sense. Dic.com left me cold. ??????? It is better as one whole piece.
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| Re: Watch where you're swingin' your dipthong, buddy by INTRANSIT |
zodiac 86.108.16.108 |
6-Sep-05/3:54 AM |
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Diphthong, actually. And yes it is a funny word. I don't see how it has much to do with the rest of the poem, except that Frank, you, and Seattle (among others) are, in fact, diphthongs.
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| Re: Stardust by TLRufener |
zodiac 86.108.16.108 |
6-Sep-05/3:48 AM |
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You know what I think is genius? How you've given a poem exactly the same name as one of the most famous songs of all time, yet your poem and the song are so dissimilar. I mean, check out these lyrics from the original:
And now the purple dusk of twilight time
Steals across the meadows of my heart
High up in the sky the little moon starts to climb
Always reminding me that we're apart
You wandered down the lane and far away
Leaving me a song that will not die
Love is now the stardust of yesterday
The music of the years gone by
Sometimes I wonder why I spend
a lonely night dreaming of a song
The melody haunts my reverie,
and I am once again with you
When our love was new
and each kiss an inspiration
But that was long ago,
now my consolation is in the stardust of a song.
Beside a garden wall,
when stars are bright,
you are in my arms
The nightingale tells his fairy tale
Of paradise where roses grew
Though I dream in vain,
in my heart it will remain
My stardust melody,
The memory of love's refrain
Is there any point on which your poem didn't take a new and astonishing direction? No! Not a one! Beautiful. -10-
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| Re: Letting Go by longships |
zodiac 86.108.16.108 |
6-Sep-05/3:39 AM |
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| Re: this has happened more than a few times by ay deee |
zodiac 86.108.16.108 |
6-Sep-05/3:36 AM |
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Consider the possibility that you are actually insane.
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| Re: I don't know by Chasz Misleading |
Heather Dee 63.17.24.26 |
6-Sep-05/2:54 AM |
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I don't no either iver read better ive read worst good job
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| Re: Hmm... by tre |
Heather Dee 63.17.24.26 |
6-Sep-05/2:53 AM |
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| Re: Steal my heart by baby_d |
Heather Dee 63.17.24.26 |
6-Sep-05/2:53 AM |
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Really cute need to work on ending verse
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| Re: Stranger by MacFrantic |
Heather Dee 63.17.24.26 |
6-Sep-05/2:51 AM |
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What is this about is the guy getting fucked?
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| Re: Dale by INTRANSIT |
Heather Dee 63.17.24.26 |
6-Sep-05/2:50 AM |
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| Re: Shoestring Salutation by MacFrantic |
Heather Dee 63.17.24.26 |
6-Sep-05/2:48 AM |
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Good a little differnt but I think I get were you are going with this one
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| Re: Stardust by TLRufener |
Heather Dee 63.17.24.26 |
6-Sep-05/2:46 AM |
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This poem is absolutley beautiful. I love it!
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| Re: Meta by nentwined |
Heather Dee 63.17.24.26 |
6-Sep-05/2:40 AM |
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Wow that was a tounge twister
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| Re: ANALYZE THIS by drnick |
Heather Dee 63.17.24.26 |
6-Sep-05/2:38 AM |
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| Re: B-Side by Miggy |
Heather Dee 63.17.24.26 |
6-Sep-05/2:37 AM |
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sounds like something my ex would write
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| Re: One Week Ago by Miggy |
Heather Dee 63.17.24.26 |
6-Sep-05/2:36 AM |
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I'm not really into the type of song i'm hearing in my head as im reading this like it is some pop song but it sounds like it could be playing on the radio. Good job you could have something here
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| Re: making progress (a piece of it) by Limness |
Heather Dee 63.17.24.26 |
6-Sep-05/2:33 AM |
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Very good- I am impressed!
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| Re: That Girl Before by Miggy |
Heather Dee 63.17.24.26 |
6-Sep-05/2:32 AM |
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