| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
making progress (a piece of it) (Lyric) by Limness since you've left
i think much too often
i feel the real
beginning to soften
invisible since
my light has gone
but things have changed
it followed you down
they're all rearranged
it followed you down
unbrushed unshaved
unbathed unmade
you were the one
you were the one
my time is neat
my room is long
i'm on my feet
and you were wrong
Up the ladder:
Infection
Down the ladder:
The Black Hearted Sunflower
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.4545455
Posted: September 23, 2002 10:57 PM PDT; Last modified: September 25, 2002 9:47 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.7272725 Overall Rank: 11850 Comments:
[8]
OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.5
|
23-Sep-02/11:04 PM
|
Reply
If I'm reading it right then much like you this poem seems to have found that it stands better alone. Good job. 8.
Love the last bit especially.
??
as usual. wrongs all become right eventually. pure darwin.w
Okay, the first line automatically puts that Cars song in my head and I start reading the entire poem to that tune. Why is your room long?
long cold hospial room, with regimented schedule (neat time). cars song has been struck from inference in line one.
So what? Get over it.
this isn't amazingly original, but it's very pretty; well done, really. 8
Haunting. Reminds me a little of a little of a Third Eye Blind lyric: I couldn't define what you're getting at, but I definitely feel you.
Very good- I am impressed!
193 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
