| Re: Static by wilco |
Dovina 17.255.240.206 |
13-Dec-05/6:23 PM |
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The cigarettes will not likely burn the exits, unless you mean they will burn exits (leave out the "the"). Isn't it too late after exits are burned to change our habits? Maybe, "because we never changed our habits."
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| Re: Static by wilco |
wilco 24.92.74.122 |
13-Dec-05/6:16 PM |
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I'd like to get suggestions on the 4th verse..I don't particularly like it as is.
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| Re: a comment on donuts and such by skaskowski |
nentwined 64.60.192.131 |
13-Dec-05/5:15 PM |
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I'm just not seeing the paster bedposts/fresco connection.
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| Re: logan st. by FreeFormFixation |
nentwined 64.60.192.131 |
13-Dec-05/5:14 PM |
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crescendo?
pimentos?
cute, but doesn't make it for me.
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| Re: zimp by calliope |
nentwined 64.60.192.131 |
13-Dec-05/5:13 PM |
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too much fun. makes me want 'Milk Cult' background.
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| Re: a comment on Relics in Entropy by PsydewaysTears |
nentwined 64.60.192.131 |
13-Dec-05/5:11 PM |
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| Re: I saw Your Face Last Night by Dovina |
nentwined 64.60.192.131 |
13-Dec-05/5:07 PM |
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up to "waited for you to invade dreams" flowed well for me, though "I tasted you in mind" started the downfall for me, I suppose. The beginning really needs an ending to make it exceptional, to me, and it doesn't get there.
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| Re: I Remember Thinking by BrandonW |
nentwined 64.60.192.131 |
13-Dec-05/5:04 PM |
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How in the hell did I get here?
What in the hell am I doing?
I knew I shouldn't have gone to see you!
How could I do this?
-- I don't like those lines. I'm thinking up to that point, the piece might be okay if it were a bit more breathless.
You pretty much completely lost me after that.
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| Re: end of the engagement by Mona Lisa |
nentwined 64.60.192.131 |
13-Dec-05/5:01 PM |
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feels like it's reaching further than it's grasped.
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| Re: Towards the Sun or The keeper of the bay they call a pond by somemorepoetry |
nentwined 64.60.192.131 |
13-Dec-05/4:59 PM |
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very much haiku in spirit.
funny, I didn't get "A" or "V" in letters of geese, but then pictured the rest of the poem about their dropped feathers.
hmm.
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| Re: Bri's Room (not done) by Sunshine Conkey |
nentwined 64.60.192.131 |
13-Dec-05/4:56 PM |
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first two stanzas are cute. third really breaks the flow in an unpleasant way.
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| Re: War (edit) by zodiac |
nentwined 64.60.192.131 |
13-Dec-05/4:53 PM |
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| Re: The Legend of the Crow by TLRufener |
nentwined 64.60.192.131 |
13-Dec-05/4:50 PM |
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Reads like a tortured synopsis.
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| Re: a comment on Bri's Room (not done) by Sunshine Conkey |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
13-Dec-05/4:49 PM |
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I knew I forgot one. Thanks.
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| Re: Oh Merry Fay (part 1) by ALChemy |
nentwined 64.60.192.131 |
13-Dec-05/4:49 PM |
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cute jabberwock, but didn't hold me.
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| Re: a comment on War (edit) by zodiac |
wilco 24.92.74.122 |
13-Dec-05/4:47 PM |
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Oh, yes, because everyone in the South is a racist, banjo picking hillbilly.
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| Re: a comment on Oh Merry Fay (part 1) by ALChemy |
Dovina 17.255.240.206 |
13-Dec-05/4:44 PM |
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The finer and more elegant the better. I prefer diamonds on the platter.
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| Re: CHRISTMAS EVERYDAY by amanda_dcosta |
nentwined 64.60.192.131 |
13-Dec-05/4:44 PM |
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Definite points for saying "I need You, Baby" to Jesus. And you got a nice cadence going. Message is a bit plain and word choice seems forced, but still. "I need You, Baby".
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| Re: a comment on Oh Merry Fay (part 1) by ALChemy |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
13-Dec-05/4:42 PM |
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I had no idea that you wanted poetry on a silver platter. My apologies.
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| Re: a comment on Miggy by Everyone |
nentwined 64.60.192.131 |
13-Dec-05/4:42 PM |
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