Re: beauty by Adriaan	Ranger 62.252.32.15	1-Mar-06/9:36 AM
Fireflies-cigarette, fantastic analogy. I really do like your haikus (senryus, whichever is appropriate.)
Re: Together They Fell (Prose) by Fayt	Ranger 62.252.32.15	1-Mar-06/9:27 AM
Hmm, not bad. I'd cut the 'it was given that nickname due to...' bit; make the reader do a little work. I'd also cut the phone conversation bit (from 'he replied...') You repeat 'huge steel pole', it would be more effective if you could give differing descriptions of it - maybe try and reflect the personalities of the characters in the way they see the pole. Personally I'd take out the last paragraph and replace it with 'Together they fell.' There's a lot more I could say about this, but it's a long piece so it's probably worth editing it a little at a time. Great promise though. I'll give it a 7 for now, mainly because otherwise the comment counter won't work!
Re: Whalecrack by wlshepherd	Ranger 62.252.32.15	1-Mar-06/9:16 AM
Heh, personally I love nonsense poetry. I do, however, prefer nonsense poems to keep a strong sense of timing...also, I'd like to see more imagery than you give here. Gave me the impression of a beggar (slum being patched up with an abandoned piece of plastic, sea-gull egg (coin), tragic injury etc. etc. etc.)
Re: the disadvantages of dropping out by FreeFormFixation	Ranger 62.252.32.15	1-Mar-06/9:11 AM
Makes me think of someone else's pet cat dying in your house.
Re: isomers by skaskowski	Ranger 62.252.32.15	1-Mar-06/9:08 AM
I'd prefer to see stanza 2 keep a constant rhythm with stanza 1. I do like the idea of this, though.
Re: Today's Spam by nentwined	LilMsLadyPoet 64.12.116.14	1-Mar-06/9:04 AM
LOL...a bit of fun! I love the ones offering penis enlargement...it would be useful if I HAD a penis! and the ones for viagra-like meds...if I had a penis, that then refused to respond!
Re: Filler by MacFrantic	Ranger 62.252.32.15	1-Mar-06/8:56 AM
Cool
Re: There by Dovina	LilMsLadyPoet 64.12.116.14	1-Mar-06/8:55 AM
OH! Type A personalities! groan...:~ If I wrote this it would have been so different! All the possibilities...no clocks, no time...just the sheer joy of 'being'...like a child...I would have just played with the idea and excitement of 'possibility'...but THAT is me, and this is you. I enjoy my own time and am never bored...never. Perhaps when you get there you will find a child waiting to show you what to do:)
Re: Pine Boxes (revised) by Joe-joe	LilMsLadyPoet 64.12.116.14	1-Mar-06/8:44 AM
There is a subtle flow/rythm in the language, that does not flow into the last three lines. (Dropping the A. in Dorsey's name would help; as would changing 'perpetuity'(?'time'?).The 'a' in the last line was strange to me, I'd change to: "the sweet scent of pine'. I would have shortened the syllables in line 7, by dropping 'behind & broken' and adding 'their'; or at least dropping 'broken'.It is rather long, and would work better if you tweaked the rythm within it. "peak"> peek (mispelled) (Peak> mountian peak, eagle's beak. Peek> peer, EyEs pEEk...EEK! :) IMO...
Re: Whalecrack by wlshepherd	LilMsLadyPoet 64.12.116.14	1-Mar-06/8:21 AM
I post,vote, and then go read the votes and comments...that said...I'll be interested in how people took this...I never know in here! I like the last two stanzas, good rythm and they seem to form an ending to a picture of something...but the previous lines don't draw a picture or mean anything, to me, and are lacking in every way.
Re: the disadvantages of dropping out by FreeFormFixation	LilMsLadyPoet 64.12.116.14	1-Mar-06/8:12 AM
OMG...chilly stuff there...with the voice of youth...
Re: a comment on Harp Song of the Prawne Men by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	INTRANSIT 69.33.49.194	1-Mar-06/7:57 AM
No! My name is PEPE! Get it right, okay?
Re: a comment on How Well I See by Blue Magpie	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.26	1-Mar-06/5:18 AM
Writing a villanelle, like a sonnet or a Pantoum, is just a matter of practise and making the effort, naturally the first one or two are a little ropey, but keep going. Kids who can spend three hours a day practising football amaze me when they think they can learn to write good poetry in five minutes.
Re: Pain by terbenaw	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.11	1-Mar-06/12:39 AM
This is a mixed bag, although easy to relate to, Try to see the world as I see it through my eyes This is undoubtedly the worst lne in the poem, You should either say Try to see the world through me eyes. or Try to see the world as I see it. But given how many people see it similarly you could try Try and see the world how we see it, etc.
Re: Whalecrack by wlshepherd	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.11	1-Mar-06/12:27 AM
I must concur with Terbenaw, this appears to have taken 2 minutes to write and has nothing to offer the reader.
Re: Whalecrack by wlshepherd	terbenaw 68.127.118.201	1-Mar-06/12:20 AM
You rated me a 4? If this... 'poem' is any indication, your skills are weak... you wouldn't even log on and comment on it... if it's so horrible, why not tell me what you found so screwed up... offer some constructive criticism or something... don't just go on some anonymous BS... Now... this poem has no purpose... it sounds like a poem parody or something... it's garbage... There's no deep meaning or even a surface meaning... Scrap this and come with something your abilities can create if you spent more time on it... I'll give you a two just for posting this junk.
Re: isomers by skaskowski	Blue Magpie 212.205.251.11	1-Mar-06/12:14 AM
The first stanza is better than the 2nd, but I would really like to see some capitalisation at the beginning of the sentences.
Re: a comment on An Interview With King David by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	28-Feb-06/4:55 PM
It was either Peter, Paul or Simon, one or two of them I forget.
Re: An Interview With King David by amanda_dcosta	Dental Panic 85.146.196.165	28-Feb-06/2:43 PM
What? No questions about Uria? That would have spiced the interview up. I mean, Samuël 2 makes a good read, but you've taken all the flav' out. Look at this pink cheeked, fizzykissy, woolywooly softy - not the kind of guy you see fuckin' another man's wife and sending him to war with a note for his commander: make sure this one gets killed.
Re: a comment on ~PROM MEANS 2 ME~ by T. Jonathron Remp	T. Jonathron Remp 128.252.229.185	28-Feb-06/1:56 PM
This is QUITE a sestina. The definition of sestina provided by kaolin fire is wrong. Sestina comes from the Latin root Sest- meaning to Sustain, and a connecting -i, with -na verbal form suffix, all together meaning to be Sustained. If it did not shout out from my beautiful sestina itself, I will rephrase: My pain, as suffered, did QUITE sustain, terbenaw, and I do hope that goes without further interpretation, by golly. I've heard other blashpemes accusing my sestina poem as something called an Acrostic. This is such not the case. Look no further than the Latin roots forming the word Acrostic: Acro-, meaning above, or beyond; Sti- meaning a Stick; and -c, adverjection forming suffix; all together, meaning One Whom Flogs. I don't see any evidence of flogging in my poem, outside of the heart pains and other wrenching of organs of arbitrary traditional function. Be it as it might, without the proper instrumentation for you knowing any other so, I will take this opportunity to remind your Soul that I have IN FACT published the above manuscription in song format, and your transductional radio appendage will soon hear for you its radio waves and flap for you the necessary air pressure fluctuations GOOD DAY MISSUS.