Re: In Ethel’s Honor by Dovina	richa 81.178.249.71	17-Apr-06/2:36 AM
This is good. There are a couple of parts you lose me though (I don't want an explanation). 'Found somewhere in the trunk Then watched her while it fell again' and 'He poked a stick down through The pot and nailed it to the ground Then he stood and waited'
Re: metadata by digipoet	Ranger 86.131.54.123	17-Apr-06/2:14 AM
Entertaining, though brief.
Re: jay by ecargo	Ranger 86.131.54.123	17-Apr-06/2:10 AM
Great fun to read, the final line is pretty cartoon-y. Plenty to see in only 5 lines; very well written.
Re: Face of Iran by Caducus	Ranger 86.131.54.123	17-Apr-06/2:07 AM
Smartly written, would have preferred lowercase 'electric', but that's the only suggestion.
Re: Strangers in a foreign land by luzrheroguy	Ranger 86.131.54.123	17-Apr-06/2:04 AM
Last two stanzas are pretty powerful.
Re: Murder by Enkidu	Ranger 86.131.54.123	17-Apr-06/2:02 AM
Was there a reason for capitalising 'Cries' and 'Demons'? It's not a criticism, just that neither are proper nouns, and so don't take capitalisation. Unless, of course, there's a purpose which I missed (entirely plausible). Great flow. The opening stanza is a gripper. I think you can get away with using the full 'escapes' (stanza 4, line 3).
Re: greymo(u)rn by lmp	Ranger 86.131.54.123	17-Apr-06/1:57 AM
Last two lines of stanza 1 are excellent. Was going to say that 'knarled' should be 'gnarled', but it actually works either way. Next time I'll try to be more awake before attempting a critique.
Re: view from the top by pollywolly	Ranger 86.131.54.123	17-Apr-06/1:52 AM
Interesting. Is her glorious view of the sky, with the mist obscuring the unnoticed land below, or is it covering the glorious land, which she's trying to see?
Re: take a jump with me by hendrimike	Ranger 86.131.54.123	17-Apr-06/1:49 AM
It'd be nice to see a bit more originality in the rhymes, and less repetition of 'dark'. Be inventive. I actually quite liked the last line though.
Re: Cólera by MacFrantic	Ranger 86.131.54.123	17-Apr-06/1:46 AM
Cool. You might think about changing 'blood lets...' to 'blood letting/Sheer volume deliver/Where failing interest...'. It would keep the original 'blood lets' meaning, while also adding a little more coherence to that passage. As it is, there are three decent yet mostly unconnected lines. Otherwise, good fun.
Re: Another quarter. by richa	Ranger 86.131.54.123	17-Apr-06/1:41 AM
Good work, like MacFrantic I don't think that 'frozen pie' really works for this; for one thing, 'frozen' so soon after 'frost' makes it seem like you were struggling for variation (not something which can be said often about your poetry). The rest is beautiful.
Re: Skellington Bakery by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Ranger 86.131.54.123	17-Apr-06/1:37 AM
Hmm, 'To spend perpetu'ty in "pain"' was funny. Liked the play of 'decedent'/'decadent'.
Re: Lovely Independence by Sunny	Ranger 86.131.54.123	17-Apr-06/1:27 AM
Good first verse 'child eating cookies' would have sounded better in my opinion. I like the use of 'weary', to me it doubled as 'wary'. Stanzas two and three work well. Number four lost a little coherence in my reading - 'sleep insom(n)ia'? Also, I wouldn't have split the last line away - '...doesn't wear you out/my lovely independence' is preferable (for me, at least). Still, not bad.
Re: In Ethel’s Honor by Dovina	Ranger 86.131.54.123	17-Apr-06/1:21 AM
Good lines, it has villanelle potential in my opinion. Would've preferred 'winding rain' as it retains the stormy aspect and carries a little more imagery, but you may feel otherwise. Again, I'm not convinced that you need to be specific with 'sixty-one years', but that's just my preference. Well written
Re: a comment on Genesis by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.34.9	16-Apr-06/8:04 PM
I hope you make this stuff as you go. That's waht I do. Otherwise, you'd be thinking like somebody who thinks differently from somebody else. Kaleb thinks differently.
Re: Good old days by amanda_dcosta	richa 81.178.249.71	16-Apr-06/2:35 PM
Decent enough. No need for the last line though. I think we get it by then.
Re: jay by ecargo	richa 81.178.249.71	16-Apr-06/2:25 PM
'white blue blue sky swirl flash audacity of bird bowing, chortling.' A couple more articles here please.
Re: take a jump with me by hendrimike	MacFrantic 172.193.196.195	16-Apr-06/11:02 AM
decent ode, but sort of stalled and unconvincing. *6*
Re: Another quarter. by richa	MacFrantic 172.193.196.195	16-Apr-06/10:56 AM
Th last two lines are great. "I sniff" and "frozen pie" seemed a little off to me. *7*
Re: Skellington Bakery by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	16-Apr-06/10:53 AM
Good poem. Bad attitude.