| Re: a comment on Fifteen by Dovina |
INTRANSIT 65.31.112.143 |
20-Nov-06/4:46 PM |
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Pomegranate berries don't just turn to juice. Are you eating them?
the distant mountain (changes) canyOns. put down the gin and juice.
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| Re: a comment on Fifteen by Dovina |
Dovina 70.38.78.229 |
20-Nov-06/4:40 PM |
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the tree is a real pomogranate tree, big enough to climb in, sit on its limbs and eat pomogranates. The distant mountains can be seen while in the tree, their folds (ridges and canyans) turn wine-purple in the evening.
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| Re: Fifteen by Dovina |
INTRANSIT 65.31.112.143 |
20-Nov-06/4:36 PM |
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(new) downy mustache
something about the distant mountain folds- makes no sense to me. I'm assuming the pomegranate berries are your period/ovulation.
Why do you run and what exactly are you running from might flesh (no pun intended) this out .
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| Re: a comment on Poem from a gurney by INTRANSIT |
INTRANSIT 65.31.112.143 |
20-Nov-06/4:23 PM |
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Thanks Shuushin. Talk to me more about flow please.
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| Re: Though I m lost, Love is not by Prince of Void |
Dovina 200.76.226.9 |
19-Nov-06/2:11 PM |
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Illusions are not so bad, even beat reality much of the time. Why imagine agonies?
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| Re: Improvisation by MacFrantic |
Dovina 200.76.226.9 |
19-Nov-06/2:08 PM |
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A splended path is not so bad, even a rcky path. Wh cares where it leads.
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| Re: Celebrity by horus8 |
INTRANSIT 65.31.112.143 |
19-Nov-06/9:08 AM |
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Damn. Homeboy went off. Do you really want crits on this?
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| Re: a comment on Water Red by InWonderLand |
InWonderLand 71.92.211.90 |
19-Nov-06/2:35 AM |
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| Re: a comment on # 2 by Lifeboatman |
Lifeboatman 203.177.138.82 |
18-Nov-06/4:48 PM |
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| Re: a comment on # 2 by Lifeboatman |
Lifeboatman 203.177.138.82 |
18-Nov-06/4:47 PM |
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| Re: For China by Fear of Garbage |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
16-Nov-06/11:28 AM |
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Aside from 'gloppy', this is excellent
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| Re: Street Talkers (Amnesiac) by Fear of Garbage |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
16-Nov-06/11:19 AM |
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'He keeps babies hugged inside his hollowed bowels' is a -=Dark_Angel=- line if ever I heard one.
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| Re: Just words by aliena |
aliena 208.54.15.129 |
15-Nov-06/9:08 PM |
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Thanks Howl. I agree. I am thinking of a suitable line to clarify my intent.
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| Re: Just words by aliena |
aliena 208.54.15.129 |
15-Nov-06/9:07 PM |
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Thanks Ranger! Point taken. Will make the change in the revised version.
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| Re: tormented suspicion by pollywolly |
howl 81.179.127.249 |
15-Nov-06/1:40 PM |
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replace 'brings forth tears/ to my eyes' with 'brings forth tears/ to my bum'
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| Re: Just words by aliena |
howl 81.179.127.249 |
15-Nov-06/1:37 PM |
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This is pretty good. 'And words are the easiest' is rather cack-handed (the easiest what/of what). I like 'break them across lines'.
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| Re: Just words by aliena |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
15-Nov-06/6:55 AM |
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Fair enough. You might want line 12 to be 'because today I wanted to create' - just to keep tense consistency with the line after.
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| Re: a comment on Three Worlds by Dovina |
Dovina 204.250.12.246 |
14-Nov-06/4:37 PM |
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Just trying for a bit of levity in this most serious business. Recurring images - too poetic for left-brained woman I guess.
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| Re: Be The One by forsaken |
Sunshine Conkey 169.139.225.2 |
14-Nov-06/11:41 AM |
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I like this one~I'm adding it to my fave list
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| Re: Suck it up for God by Engelbert Humpalot |
Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199 |
14-Nov-06/9:08 AM |
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A heavily laden negro-nappy.
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