Re: a comment on Instruction by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.34.35	25-Nov-06/7:40 PM
It's a paradox of tense and timing. Thanks for coming back. The place looks like a cleared-out warehouse, feeling like the city dump, where poems are brought for final burial. Surely you've got one to dump.
Re: a comment on Fifteen by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.34.35	25-Nov-06/7:36 PM
and a tasty memory too
Re: Wish I was a better lover by Prince of Void	Dovina 12.72.34.35	25-Nov-06/7:35 PM
Without my current glass of wine, I’d say you’re spouting nonsense. As it is, I could meet you for a drink or two in JJ’s dimlit bar, and know exactly what you mean. A lover, after is said, and after all that Stephen Robins says, is meeting over wine and seeing eye to eye.
Re: Take that thing off your head by lukehanney	Nicholas Jones 81.154.134.38	25-Nov-06/3:05 PM
Hello there Luke, my old nemesis, back with a transparently racist and unpleasant poem. Unless it is actually a subtle piece of satire aimed at the current unfathomable media obsession with Muslim women wearing veils.
Re: Sonnet 1 (Nevermore - The last sonnet) by Schlinkey	Ranger 62.252.32.15	25-Nov-06/2:05 PM
The double rhyme of spoiled and soiled is distracting, the rest is very readable.
Re: In sickness and in health by Schlinkey	Ranger 62.252.32.15	25-Nov-06/2:03 PM
Good villanelle.
Re: Instruction by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	25-Nov-06/2:02 PM
'I'd rather do those things/when future world was kind' - tense consistency? Other than that, this is grand. You should live the Ray Mears life.
Re: She dreams by amanda_dcosta	Ranger 62.252.32.15	25-Nov-06/1:59 PM
Excellent except for 'of oaks and pines and firs growing tall' - rhythm's out and I'd rather see another way of describing them rather than as being tall. But this is one of your best, without a doubt.
Re: Celebrity by horus8	SupremeDreamer 24.23.240.180	24-Nov-06/11:32 AM
Here here! Indeed. May want to check some spelling & grammar, but that aside, it makes me shiver with fear and orgasm.
Re: Disposal and Liberation by MacFrantic	Dovina 70.38.78.229	24-Nov-06/9:39 AM
I've been there and had a similar thought. It's not badly stated.
Re: She dreams by amanda_dcosta	Dovina 70.38.78.229	24-Nov-06/9:30 AM
It has a nice rhythm and a wistful playfulness. "the world without a doubt, as she" could lose "as she" "love unfolds" "of oaks and pine and firs growing tall" seems off rhytrhm. "pines" for consistency. "skip to its tune" is off-grammar, but "skipping" would be off-rhythm.
Re: To Love One Another by Sunshine Conkey	amanda_dcosta 61.17.22.38	24-Nov-06/8:37 AM
First of all, I see that you mentioned its someone else's poem. So, am not sure if I should grade it. Apart from that its a nice sentiment, very true, but with spelling errors.
Re: Fifteen by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 61.17.22.38	24-Nov-06/8:31 AM
hmmm. not bad. I have never climbed a pomogranate tree although we have 'em here. But I can say its a very tasty fruit.
Re: Send The Devil... by horus8	SupremeDreamer 75.35.231.137	22-Nov-06/11:10 AM
Alas, it is good... I haven't spoken to you in awhile horus. I've finally gotten round to reading Manly P Halls book, and a curiosity holds me- Are you a mason? This question feels stupid, then again, it's better to get stupidities out of the way. Aside from that, how are you doing you fuckin bastard? My new email is sdreamer2234@yahoo.com - maybe I'll hear from you soon. Peace. And heres a ten, though we both know it means nothing.
Re: a comment on In sickness and in health by Schlinkey	Schlinkey 62.16.135.98	21-Nov-06/3:45 PM
I agree. Something to fiddle with for a while :)
Re: a comment on Poem from a gurney by INTRANSIT	INTRANSIT 65.31.112.143	21-Nov-06/10:26 AM
Thank you.
Re: a comment on Poem from a gurney by INTRANSIT	Shuushin 63.167.136.250	21-Nov-06/6:17 AM
By flow, in this context, I mean to lose oneself within the poem. To be carried from one line to the next without noticing the carriage return; line breaks become invisible. Practically speaking, maybe the shorter lines aren't doing you any favors here and the shorter words certainly aren't. There are effective poems that do have very short lines but this is difficult to pull off (and I do think you've made some of those, too). As I look at this poem as a whole, these bits pop: "38 year wine", "paperclip tangle", "give from the marrow", "grape juice" Much of the rest is either lost in a preposition phrase, or diluted with a weak verb or adjective "spotless white robe", taps and spigots doing things, small plum balls (that's gotta hurt). The more impact each word has the more easily the poem will flow as the reader is drawn from one thing to the next.
Re: a comment on Though I m lost, Love is not by Prince of Void	Prince of Void 213.207.253.125	21-Nov-06/4:25 AM
Prince of Void because I have agonies in my life ...and I just want to scream like the famous painting called scream ..my art is to describe the agonies of life into the soul of words until I feel it's time to put the pain away ...
Re: In sickness and in health by Schlinkey	Dovina 70.38.78.229	20-Nov-06/5:01 PM
Pure and Vile must be their names. It seems the "sickness" theme should be developed, perhaps in relation to Vile.
Re: a comment on Fifteen by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	20-Nov-06/4:55 PM
Maybe you have never sat on the limb of a pomegranate tree, picking the big red fruit, stripping away the skin and the inner membranes that separate ranks of berries. They are very good when the juice squirts into you mouth as you chew them, spitting seeds onto the ground. They might be good with gin, I don't know.