Re: Death by Highschool_Poem_Girl	cheese.doodles 76.64.14.95	26-Apr-07/4:29 PM
Well, your poetry would make anybody feel like that.
Re: Voices Within by DJCopasetic	cheese.doodles 76.64.14.95	26-Apr-07/4:28 PM
cliches and easy rhymes - bad news for any poem, I'm afraid.
Re: My Pain 2004 by ToMuchPain04	cheese.doodles 76.64.14.95	26-Apr-07/4:23 PM
cliched rhymes and uncapitalized i's make this seem puerile and just... bad.
Re: Mixed Feelings by PunkyPanda	cheese.doodles 76.64.14.95	26-Apr-07/4:22 PM
spelling mistakes and cliches totally ruin an already mediocre piece.
Re: I Wonder If by ToMuchPain04	cheese.doodles 76.64.14.95	26-Apr-07/4:19 PM
This is horrible and pimply. You've broken the sympathetic contract in the second line and you resort to tired cliches.
Re: a comment on What it Feels Like by laurahenn2010	laurahenn2010 75.88.141.64	26-Apr-07/12:14 PM
awe thank you!! I am tryng, and I just use it as an opening for what I'm feeling, I'll have to submit a couple others, but those are all rather....gruesome in ways. Thanks you for giving me POSITIVE feedback. I appreciate it.
Re: a comment on new clothes, same old story by nypoet22	nypoet22 65.9.210.180	26-Apr-07/11:28 AM
spelling error corrected, punctuation suggestion implemented. 'a' changed to 'the.' thanks.
Re: What it Feels Like by laurahenn2010	Ranger 81.103.124.179	26-Apr-07/9:40 AM
If you're just starting out on the poetic road, this probably doesn't deserve the kicking it's got. It's true that it's full of cliche and vague sensation, but you have to start somewhere. Find a poet you enjoy reading and try to work out what tricks they use. Imagery, metaphor, meter etc. etc. etc. are all things to practise as you go - especially look for strong images and novel way of describing them. Rhyming dictionaries are also good resources; the best rhymer on here (zodiac) always claimed to use them. Keep at it, listen to the criticism and ignore the insults. You'll be fine.
Re: Benevolent Oasis by drnick	Ranger 81.103.124.179	26-Apr-07/9:28 AM
If Dali had rhymed more often, he'd have done something like this.
Re: Puppet & Conversation by Blindpoetry	thetrev 137.205.251.1	26-Apr-07/6:51 AM
well this was fun. i was worried at first because your first stanza is rather patronizing and doesn't say much i didn't know already, but the second stanza really got it going... from then on you gave us bright, fresh and disturbing images, me liked...
Re: What it Feels Like by laurahenn2010	laurahenn2010 75.88.141.64	26-Apr-07/4:54 AM
Thanks guys, I'm 15 years old. Give me a break. And thanks, but I didnt vote on my own poem. that was my friend. So before you go judging, get your info straight
Re: new clothes, same old story by nypoet22	jessicazee 24.160.240.223	26-Apr-07/2:48 AM
do you mean castanets? (sp I think?) Like the finger cymbals? Or maybe I don't know what a castinette is? Serious. Also, I love the last line so much. Could omit both periods.
Re: a comment on Hairball by jessicazee	jessicazee 24.160.240.223	26-Apr-07/2:28 AM
That, and totally surfing the web so hard.
Re: a comment on The Corner Tavern by jessicazee	jessicazee 24.160.240.223	26-Apr-07/2:25 AM
philos, thanks for your thoughtful comments. I think you're right with "stringy". I want that line to read "summer songs, a sing-along". (?) And the "current" holiday mood I was going for, um, like whatever holiday is upcoming, the bar's decorations foretell & anticipate that. (i.e. lighted shamrocks & leprechaun cut-outs). Maybe I will expand & elaborate. Yes about the last bit, a song on said jukebox and for the last two weeks burned hotly on my brain's iPod function.
Re: Deserted Shopping Carts by cheese.doodles	nypoet22 65.9.210.180	25-Apr-07/6:13 PM
nice hokku beginning, excellent underlying structure a-la-w.c.williams, both the beginning and ending are superb. the middle two stanzas drag a little, especially the third. try to get that same meaning in around half the words.
Re: Chemistry by <Wankster>	cheese.doodles 70.52.168.150	25-Apr-07/5:58 PM
Bleugh. No wonder girls don't like you all that much.
Re: a comment on Danse by Limness	<~> 167.206.181.179	25-Apr-07/6:54 AM
check
Re: ONLY POETRY IS FOREVER by daggatolar	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.103	24-Apr-07/4:26 PM
Poetry is certainly NOT forever. It is temporary, like the words and images imployed in its form. Meanings distort and crumble with time, fading like a cracked picture, till most no longer even remember... Then it Dies, and another poet makes a new structure. No vote.
Re: The Death of Us by andrewjthomas	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.103	24-Apr-07/3:47 PM
I think the last stanza was an exellent cherry to this cake. Nine.
Re: a comment on Rap? Hip-hop? What has this thing become? by DreamerSupreme	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.103	24-Apr-07/3:41 PM
Thank you.