Re: Deserted Shopping Carts by cheese.doodles	richa 81.179.247.122	30-Apr-07/3:04 AM
I think you mean evil octopodes. And evil is kind of overwrought for any poem let alone one ostensibly about shopping trolleys. I think the place the trolley is dumped possibly needs elucidating to give the poem place. Other than that the bones of a decent poem here. Have an -8-.
Re: a comment on Benevolent Oasis by drnick	drnick 24.247.112.155	29-Apr-07/10:06 PM
Thanks, when are you going to post something???
Re: a comment on grim task by lmp	Ranger 81.103.124.179	29-Apr-07/2:24 PM
Ahem?
Re: Hatred and Perfection by laurahenn2010	Ranger 81.103.124.179	29-Apr-07/2:23 PM
Pick an image. Any image, it doesn't have to be spectacularly original at this point. Perhaps the key would be a good one to use. Try to write something which just revolves around the key; be consistent (a lot of this poem is fragmented and unconnected except through the loose and quite vague emotions). Use either the key or door (or anything associated with whichever tactile object you pick) to represent you, and find similarities. What that should do, with a bit of practise, is help make the feelings that you put in come across with a bit more subtlety. In turn, that'll make the reader more likely to emphasise. If you say "I hurt", well I might nod sympathetically - but beyond that I can't connect with it; I can't relate to it (to use an old cliche). The best way to find out what works for you in poetry is to read plenty of it - find a genre you're likely to enjoy and have a go. Perhaps Sylvia Plath would be a good starting point from the evidence of this poem, or Poe if you want something more elaborate and gothic. Anyway, so sayeth -=Ranger=-. Hope it's of help.
Re: a comment on grim task by lmp	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104	29-Apr-07/2:12 PM
Take your pompous British opinions and shove them up your wrinkled cunt. Do you not find it amusing that the United Kingdom is simply another American pawn in the workings of this world? I do. So fuck your superior clingings to "English Proper", twat. British clinging to rigidity stifles any evolution in language. Go roll in dusty volumes of the Lord Faggatus.
Re: new clothes, same old story by nypoet22	Ranger 81.103.124.179	29-Apr-07/2:05 PM
Interesting that you don't punctuate the last line. It suggests that he's ugly (when) naked. If so, what is he the rest of the time? Beautiful? Or just hidden? Nice and concise.
Re: a comment on Breath by thetrev	Ranger 81.103.124.179	29-Apr-07/1:49 PM
That's more info than you've paid for. But anyway. You tell too much and don't say enough - the poem's either surface-shallow or it's not made me curious enough to venture further into it. The beige is stuffy, the windows are slightly unbuttoned, the voices of students are sweaty...so? It reads more like prose than poetry. That isn't a bad thing unless you're aiming for a poetic voice, in which case it is a bad thing. 'Blinding light' = so close to being a Dylan Thomas reference that I'd either change it or follow it up with a tactile reference to him. It just seems unnecessarily derivative as it is. I don't think you need the repetition of 'books on', my preference would be for something like: books on Dryden, (hobbies, theories, laundry lists and sex life) ...or something like that. Anyhoo, blah blah etc. etc., you can probably guess the rest of the stuff I'd have to say. It wouldn't be particularly interesting, so I'm not going to say it. The final stanza is ace though.
Re: a comment on Breath by thetrev	thetrev 86.20.231.0	29-Apr-07/1:54 AM
that's a rather unhelpful comment. how exactly am i trying too hard, pray tell?
Re: A most malodorous mockurance by bharat shekhar	bharat shekhar 59.176.3.88	29-Apr-07/1:36 AM
No votes.No anecdotes
Re: Breath by thetrev	half.italian 76.172.249.205	28-Apr-07/7:13 PM
I think you are trying tooo hard.
Re: requiem for the dead generation by Prince of Void	half.italian 76.172.249.205	28-Apr-07/7:12 PM
No poem shall go uncommented!
Re: new clothes, same old story by nypoet22	half.italian 76.172.249.205	28-Apr-07/7:10 PM
Bare.
Re: new clothes, same old story by nypoet22	thetrev 86.20.231.0	28-Apr-07/2:18 PM
'fraid you inspired me to write a poem on the emperor, thanks!
Re: a comment on Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	Dovina 75.82.86.162	27-Apr-07/8:55 PM
And so the bird was freed at last From his humdrum forlorn loneliness He never said goodbye or godspeed Or hope you break out too But flitted off and left us caged Returning now and then to chirp As a bird might do if visiting a zoo
Re: Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	lmp 141.154.134.3	27-Apr-07/2:52 PM
it's tweet, really. :D
Re: 1982 County Stadium by jessicazee	Prince of Void 80.71.127.125	27-Apr-07/5:21 AM
it's a good poem 7
Re: The Way by Highschool_Poem_Girl	cheese.doodles 76.64.14.95	26-Apr-07/6:57 PM
whoa, way too long.
Re: A Pen Named Ed by Enkidu	cheese.doodles 76.64.14.95	26-Apr-07/6:53 PM
tee, it's cute.
Re: Hatred and Perfection by laurahenn2010	laurahenn2010 75.88.141.64	26-Apr-07/5:40 PM
I wrote this back in September, when my life started unraveling. I'm not sure if it's any good, but I would like feedback. thanks.
Re: Metaphorically Challenged by Enkidu	cheese.doodles 76.64.14.95	26-Apr-07/4:31 PM
This is very funny and creative.