DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Hatred and Perfection

by laurahenn2010

Member since 2007 · Posted 26 Apr 2007 · 2 comments

Creating Fine lines Between Hatred and Perfection Not enough for the world Screaming for the end to end it all Wishing for the worst at every moment Lost words still remain to be found Empty breaths remain to be filled Your presence still remains unspoken for The words to my life are lost As to the keys to my locked shattered soul No one can save me No one tried When will the world end to end this all Trying to find a cure for this ill Thorns into my heart could only cure this Pain in my soul could only diminish thee Taken for granted that knife that lay over there For if I pick it up, It could all be over All the pain and hurt All the rejection throughout the years And yet when I think about it there's only one person I live for The one that cared the one that tried the one that told me so And that one person is you

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1 vote so far. Yours would make 2.1 vote so far

2 comments

[n/a] laurahenn2010 26-Apr-07/5:40 PM Reply

I wrote this back in September, when my life started unraveling. I'm not sure if it's any good, but I would like feedback. thanks.

[n/a] Ranger 29-Apr-07/2:23 PM Reply

Pick an image. Any image, it doesn't have to be spectacularly original at this point. Perhaps the key would be a good one to use. Try to write something which just revolves around the key; be consistent (a lot of this poem is fragmented and unconnected except through the loose and quite vague emotions). Use either the key or door (or anything associated with whichever tactile object you pick) to represent you, and find similarities. What that should do, with a bit of practise, is help make the feelings that you put in come across with a bit more subtlety. In turn, that'll make the reader more likely to emphasise. If you say "I hurt", well I might nod sympathetically - but beyond that I can't connect with it; I can't relate to it (to use an old cliche). The best way to find out what works for you in poetry is to read plenty of it - find a genre you're likely to enjoy and have a go. Perhaps Sylvia Plath would be a good starting point from the evidence of this poem, or Poe if you want something more elaborate and gothic.

Anyway, so sayeth -=Ranger=-. Hope it's of help.