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Hatred and Perfection (Free verse) by laurahenn2010 Creating Fine lines
Between Hatred and Perfection
Not enough for the world
Screaming for the end to end it all
Wishing for the worst at every moment
Lost words still remain to be found
Empty breaths remain to be filled
Your presence still remains unspoken for
The words to my life are lost
As to the keys to my locked shattered soul
No one can save me
No one tried
When will the world end to end this all
Trying to find a cure for this ill
Thorns into my heart could only cure this
Pain in my soul could only diminish thee
Taken for granted that knife that lay over there
For if I pick it up,
It could all be over
All the pain and hurt
All the rejection throughout the years
And yet when I think about it there's only one person I live for
The one that cared the one that tried the one that told me so
And that one person is you
Up the ladder:
holiday poem (thanks rock)
Down the ladder:
The Same
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: N/A
Posted: April 26, 2007 5:34 PM PDT; Last modified: April 26, 2007 5:34 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.762871 Overall Rank: 11498 Comments:
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laurahenn2010 @ 75.88.141.64
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26-Apr-07/5:40 PM
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Reply
I wrote this back in September, when my life started unraveling. I'm not sure if it's any good, but I would like feedback. thanks.
Pick an image. Any image, it doesn't have to be spectacularly original at this point. Perhaps the key would be a good one to use. Try to write something which just revolves around the key; be consistent (a lot of this poem is fragmented and unconnected except through the loose and quite vague emotions). Use either the key or door (or anything associated with whichever tactile object you pick) to represent you, and find similarities. What that should do, with a bit of practise, is help make the feelings that you put in come across with a bit more subtlety. In turn, that'll make the reader more likely to emphasise. If you say "I hurt", well I might nod sympathetically - but beyond that I can't connect with it; I can't relate to it (to use an old cliche). The best way to find out what works for you in poetry is to read plenty of it - find a genre you're likely to enjoy and have a go. Perhaps Sylvia Plath would be a good starting point from the evidence of this poem, or Poe if you want something more elaborate and gothic.
Anyway, so sayeth -=Ranger=-. Hope it's of help. 125 view(s)
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