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My Pain 2004 (Free verse) by ToMuchPain04 My Pain 2004
I do not know why i cannot deal with this pain
I do not know what its trying to gain
Is it trying to drive me insane?
Or maybe elevate me to another plane
No matter how hard I try sometimes i feel like i need to die
To escape this long nasty sword through my heart
Pretty soon it will rip me apart
After all is said and done
I will not have it in me to have any fun
So before i get down and keep taking this Licken
I feel like giving pain one last ass kickin
Up the ladder:
My Love Letter
Down the ladder:
buried in california
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 2.4285715
Posted: April 9, 2004 7:36 PM PDT; Last modified: April 9, 2004 7:36 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.3084364 Overall Rank: 13129 Comments:
[0]
thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 216.196.151.136
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10-Apr-04/2:02 AM
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Reply
Who Do You Think Your Kidding? You Call This A Free Verse? Pimple, Its Called A Pimple, And ITS TERRIBLE! There is no depth, nothing more than whining, and trying to rhyme. Learn about the art, before you stumble thru another rhyme session with boo-woo your host Bandaid Butter Fingers! -0-
The last line is good. The rest is a play on rhymes, too many words for what it says.
cliched rhymes and uncapitalized i's make this seem puerile and just... bad.
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