Dovina
on One dot.And the rest is our lives by Prince of Void
10 Aug 2004, 11:23 AM
Something to ponder for forty days and nights, inspiring.
Sounds Christian, okay if it is. Cryptic, okay too. High on wine, yep, that's me.
Too etherial for me, but some nice lines.
really nice a very good poem
I once smoked a whole kilo of 'the drug ecstasy'. Nearly blew my clarkies to chutney town. Next time someone offered me 'the drug ecstasy' I told them: NO, I DON'T USE THE HORSE.
"I would ask that comments such as the previous not be posted publicly so as not to discourage the more shy who might otherwise have something to add, but hesitate for fear of reprisal from users whom they would criticize."
There are too many negations in that sentence. May I not be disallowed from suggesting the following, less daft alternative?
"Comments such as the previous may discourage shy users from contributing."
Well put.
The faceless anonymity of the Internet, and this community specifically, provide us with the opportunity for receiving honest, unbiased, and sometimes harsh constructive criticism. I consider this a blessing and is why I come back. I would ask that comments such as the previous not be posted publicly so as not to discourage the more shy who might otherwise have something to add, but hesitate for fear of reprisal from users whom they would criticize. If you feel a need to vent, do so through poetry, that's what it's there for.
In this instance, "raver" implies an individual who attends raves. They ironically have the reputation for being over-friendly, as is one of the effects of the drug ecstasy.
When you say "fucking shoes" it implies some angst with the shod, and "no fucking raver" some reason to rave, but since you show none, the poem would be stronger without these. I can't relate poem to title without stretching my karma.
Let's hope there's more to old age than a kindly smile given to friends who's minds are as far gone as yours. Use it or lose it, like having the presence of mind to put your comment to somebody's comment right under their comment. By the way, your poem starts off well enough, I just think the ending could be a lot better.
You raving frankfurter of idiocy. For pity's sake what's your problem? This is poemeranker. A site for ranking poemes. And if you post your poemes on a site for ranking poemes, then presumably you want your poemes to be ranked? Presumably you want other people to read the work you have smeared into the public domain and give you their honest opinion of it? Isn't that what you want? No. You just want people to mindlessly praise everything you do. You grotesque urchin.
What is the concept behind this poem? before i make any
comment.
like you think your poem is the best? there are a lot of poems in here that people write that are way better than yours or mine put together. i just write cause i like to, it may not make sense to you but it makes sense to me and thats all that matters. i never said that i'm a real poet or that mine are any good, but your not any better. look at the language you use in your writing. your not even worth voting on.
"being ate"? You push those verb conjugations far enough and they'll scream at ya.
Rambling, and the ending is just plain cheesy. Plus, the rhyming is so rigid that there's no room for the rhythm to get off, but it still does.
Sorry.
Bitter resignment. I only take slight issue with the isolation/cages metaphor. It's a little too overused.
Thought about starting a new stanza at "familiar smells"?
who is this poem about?
The title doesn't exactly invite one to read on, but once through the door, it's not bad going unless you're squeamish.
Well written! The metaphors bouncing back and forth are really powerful.
Excellent Poem, captures lots of emotion in a seemingly harmless context. Well done.
just askin cause I live in Queens