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Punk Rock Christmas (Free verse) by unknown^user Do you believe in magic?
because I believe in everyone
And everyone is here
but the words wonât make sentences until I'm done.
Just leave your worries at the door
I'll just wait here
And take your fucking shoes off too
because I won't look you in the eyes until you do.
We all live in houses
in a joking kind of way
I'm at home everyday.
We'll sit on the porch in silence
in colorful aluminum lawn chairs
and watch the kids grow.
Do you believe in karma?
because I believe in you
whatever it is you do.
And I'm no fucking raver
but let's talk about nothing
and watch ourselves grow.
Up the ladder:
The Romance of Death and Winter
Down the ladder:
Three words and thirty coins
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.5
Posted: August 9, 2004 7:13 PM PDT; Last modified: August 9, 2004 7:13 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0596013 Overall Rank: 6790 Comments:
When you say "fucking shoes" it implies some angst with the shod, and "no fucking raver" some reason to rave, but since you show none, the poem would be stronger without these. I can't relate poem to title without stretching my karma.
In this instance, "raver" implies an individual who attends raves. They ironically have the reputation for being over-friendly, as is one of the effects of the drug ecstasy.
I once smoked a whole kilo of 'the drug ecstasy'. Nearly blew my clarkies to chutney town. Next time someone offered me 'the drug ecstasy' I told them: NO, I DON'T USE THE HORSE.
What the hell is a clarkie?Can you smoke ecstacy?I usaully stick
it up my anus and let it disolve right into my bloodstream.Oh by the way your poem was'nt bad or really good either but still better than godswife's best. -7-
Don't even know what a clarkie is!? Obviously you're a total n00b when is comes to drugs. And yes, of course you can smoke an E n00b.
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The faceless anonymity of the Internet, and this community specifically, provide us with the opportunity for receiving honest, unbiased, and sometimes harsh constructive criticism. I consider this a blessing and is why I come back. I would ask that comments such as the previous not be posted publicly so as not to discourage the more shy who might otherwise have something to add, but hesitate for fear of reprisal from users whom they would criticize. If you feel a need to vent, do so through poetry, that's what it's there for.
There are too many negations in that sentence. May I not be disallowed from suggesting the following, less daft alternative?
"Comments such as the previous may discourage shy users from contributing."