dont try so hard to make things rhyme but i like the set up

"bunch of kids getting wasted I had a future but I misplaced it" Great line.

Lose the 'but' in line 15. The object of the poem must know what's up by line 11. Why beat him down further with your but?

Big

She's a lucky girl.

A good take on fall, except for "frigid air conquest / Distant flames battle." Maybe something about flames in the wood stove instead. Welcome to Poemranker.

Adolescence hits boys harder than girls. We bleed a little and breasts pop out, but boys are crazed with madness.

illumined? Its nice writing but it sounds a little forced. <3 Jason

Reminds me of alot of Beowulf. I would have called it Grendel.

Last Stanza, "Allow 'Your' grace", other than that, a nice prayer. -8-

I agree that the punctuation is not needed. Haikus are supposed to be 5-7-5, thus the "There are" in line 2. But those words are so trite here that I'd omit them. Otherwise good.

In Verse 1, the two couplets seem unrelated until I get to the last line of Verse 2. The first 2 lines of Verse 2 seem choppy and wordy. It's a good thought, but you might want to consider rearranging the lines.

this is funny