| Re: Alfredo by Caducus |
richa 85.210.180.87 |
21-Aug-07/3:31 PM |
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I agree this need more detail for the reader to make out who the characters are to eachother. I like the idea of the shadows being a heel to the ghost. The transition from shadows brought heels to heels brought soft voices is also rather elegant.
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| Re: you've returned i'm glad by richa |
Dan garcia-Black 67.150.175.47 |
21-Aug-07/11:58 AM |
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I can see this poem is not about the return of your mind.
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| Re: Alfredo by Caducus |
some deleted user 63.127.193.79 |
20-Aug-07/4:05 PM |
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Wow! This is really left open to interpretation. My guess is the calomine ghost suffers from alzheimer's.
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| Re: G-d and My Guitar by nypoet22 |
some deleted user 63.127.193.79 |
20-Aug-07/3:44 PM |
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It's hard to judge lyrics without music, but you do have some fine lines here.
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| Re: Stuck in Re-Verse by Alex Green |
MacFrantic 129.82.31.17 |
20-Aug-07/11:00 AM |
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If only these douchebags could hear you sing, Mel.
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| Re: Sunset Beach by amanda_dcosta |
some deleted user 63.127.193.79 |
19-Aug-07/6:18 AM |
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Nice flow and rhythm Amanda. You paint a perfect picture as the first line suggests. Very nice work.
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| Re: Stuck in Re-Verse by Alex Green |
Skamper 58.171.41.194 |
19-Aug-07/4:46 AM |
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go to the music shop and find some Cake, take it home, listen to it...sigh...
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| Re: a comment on We're Off by Skamper |
Skamper 58.171.28.124 |
19-Aug-07/4:26 AM |
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hmmm...how bad...half flush or the full whammy including air-freshener and an embarrassed nod to the next in line?
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| Re: a comment on We're Off by Skamper |
Skamper 58.171.15.32 |
19-Aug-07/4:25 AM |
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yeah! got a bit carried away there...here's my poetic license all paid for and up to date...
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| Re: Alfredo by Caducus |
nypoet22 65.10.242.119 |
18-Aug-07/10:40 PM |
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I'm guessing this is a WWII poem, but that's just a guess. This feels like an incomplete story. As such, it's okay to force your readers to infer some things, but I would like some more sensory detail to give a better clue as to the identities of the participants.
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| Re: Crotchety Old Geezer by Dovina |
pete 62.56.82.209 |
17-Aug-07/6:45 AM |
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| Re: The Tale Of Marietta And The Hornbag Priest (v.1) by Edna Sweetlove |
Dr Toilet 82.198.250.11 |
16-Aug-07/9:47 AM |
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Bugger me. That's a good 'n.
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| Re: On The Gay Beach by Edna Sweetlove |
Dr Toilet 82.198.250.11 |
16-Aug-07/9:46 AM |
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Nothing like a spot of buggery on the sands, but be careful not to get the crabs.
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| Re: a comment on broken bottles by richa |
richa 81.179.138.61 |
15-Aug-07/3:01 PM |
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you have voted on this three times now you fucking retard.
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| Re: Two More Cunts Who Are One Cunt by mr cunt |
Dr Toilet 195.194.75.209 |
15-Aug-07/9:54 AM |
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Wittier than a pearl necklace.
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| Re: Colin's thoughts by colin douglas's arse |
Dr Toilet 195.194.75.209 |
15-Aug-07/9:52 AM |
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Hohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho. I have not laughed so much since my mum caught her tits in the mangle.
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| Re: Colin's thoughts by colin douglas's arse |
Edna Sweetlove 85.211.236.120 |
15-Aug-07/7:59 AM |
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This is hilariously funny! Well wrote, Col, yorra jeany-uss.
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| Re: We're Off by Skamper |
Edna Sweetlove 85.211.236.120 |
15-Aug-07/7:57 AM |
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Straightener and placaten'er is a stunning rhyme. The rest is a bit ordinary though. The last 2 stanzas need to go down the toilet.
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| Re: a comment on Two More Cunts Who Are One Cunt by mr cunt |
colin douglas's arse 194.154.22.38 |
14-Aug-07/8:13 AM |
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Your all invighted 2 cum and read my new pome all about ME.
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| Re: Grafton Street Late Joys by Engelbert Humpalot |
colin douglas's arse 194.154.22.38 |
14-Aug-07/8:11 AM |
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