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We're Off (Free verse) by Skamper
The brooding skies frowned an omen hard to miss as we loaded up the van and shoe-horned in the kids. “Where’s my mp3 player and my cd my curling tongs and straghtener?” The middle girl was on a roll, Lord knows there’s no placaten’er! The youngest gave an outraged scream from somewhere down the rear trapped below a pillow scrum with a handbag in each ear. Ignoring all the squeals and shouts and things that clunked beneath us we rolled the van from off the lawn and whispered prayers to Jesus. Looking back our feelings mixed with guts tied in a knot we waved to those we left behind and things that we’d forgot! Cranking up the stereo we drowned the straining motor Weird Al sang ‘The biggest ball of twine in Minnesota” “Mum, stop the car” came the yell From the eldest girl of three “I know we’ve only gone an hour or so – But I really need to pee!

Up the ladder: dream patterned
Down the ladder: Licking An Ashtray

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.2689414
Overall Rank: 3887
Posted: July 25, 2007 3:44 PM PDT; Last modified: July 25, 2007 3:44 PM PDT
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Comments:
[10] SomeNewKill @ 76.97.67.182 | 28-Jul-07/10:16 PM | Reply
I loev it. And yes I meant to spell love like that...
I was writing with an accent.
[n/a] Skamper @ 124.148.6.71 > SomeNewKill | 30-Jul-07/10:31 PM | Reply
Kewel...thanx
[7] richa @ 85.210.158.56 | 31-Jul-07/2:02 PM | Reply
The brooding skies/ frowned/ omen. No no no. Overwrought and not in keeping with the tone of the rest of the poem.
[n/a] Skamper @ 58.171.15.32 > richa | 19-Aug-07/4:25 AM | Reply
yeah! got a bit carried away there...here's my poetic license all paid for and up to date...
[3] Edna Sweetlove @ 85.211.236.120 | 15-Aug-07/7:57 AM | Reply
Straightener and placaten'er is a stunning rhyme. The rest is a bit ordinary though. The last 2 stanzas need to go down the toilet.
[n/a] Skamper @ 58.171.28.124 > Edna Sweetlove | 19-Aug-07/4:26 AM | Reply
hmmm...how bad...half flush or the full whammy including air-freshener and an embarrassed nod to the next in line?
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