zodiac
replying on Save our Self(revised to be a trek into the vent tent) by Crakyamuni
6 Feb 2005, 2:28 AM
pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
Maybe "wimpling" - an ace word.
Great. Are you really Emily Dickinson?
I like the last line. I would probably rewrite everything else. Try including some poetry along the way, and maybe making a couple of real sentences.
The 'foil' and 'silver lining' part was cool. It doesn't make the rest of the poem worth it, though.
Have I seen you on "Taxicab Confessions"?
Q: Does that "small rain" thing get you a lot of women? I bet it does.
I came back the day after posting this to change the sibilant line. Then Shuushin said he liked it, and I thought how I haven't been nice enough to him recently. For yourself, consider it changed. The adjective could possibly be "whispering" instead. Or something such.
DOVINA: "It reflects poorly on your kind."
ZODIAC: No, no. I'm asking when I've ever said "ONE OF A KIND" or "MERELY". What? I haven't said those words exactly? Then you've gotten the wrong idea about things. Now give it up.
Hey, ace conclusion. Now let's see if you can find where I've used either "one of a kind" or "merely" in any of my comments to you ever.
Once again, you've used the word 'merely' where I meant nothing of the sort. Even if you mean it as a joke (by now) stop.
And get a fucking clue. I haven't just "heard that 'poetess' and 'girly' are not opposing", I've heard it from Virginia Woolf and a great many of the most respected feminist scholars in America. To use a metaphor you're bound to love, you're doing something like approaching Hank Aaron and saying "that's not a home run, a home run is when you stand naked on second base and trump into the upper bleachers" and then when he asks you why, trumping into his scared darkie face.
Admittedly.
You see, since it's not obvious to you, the cliche "one of a kind" is grosely and always wrong for obvious reasons.
I predict Iâll say something about how irrelevant it is of you to say that because youâve heard that "poetess" and "girly" are not opposing that makes this merely a girly poem. Itâs the kind of thing you can be counted on to say. What I predict Iâll say is not at all unimaginable.
Hwy wilco - overall it has a nice presence, but it didn't sink in until the end. Feature or bug?
I was thinking that each of those stanzas could be on their own, even expanded into more - then I hit the chorus and it gelled. So I guess you could go either way with it.
consuming/consumes - I struggled with that a little. Did you try it the other way too?
I really do like it - the first stanza was definitely captivating, for the confident entrance and then the creeping of doubts.
But call me ignorant.. It's not really.. Poetic. You're not hiding anything. And what you explain seems to go on a long time. I think there are lines here that are superfluous - they don't help so they drag.
Like "into the shadows". Sounds very The Rasmus. At least forget the linebreak that makes it independent.
As anybody who's read "A Room of One's Own" knows (and that's probably nearly everyone who knows anything), "poetess" and "girly" have never been considered opposing options for women. In fact, poetry is historically the domain of good domestic girls, being usually somewhat shallower and more maudlin than other literary forms, and also easier to write during soapopera commercials. That you don't already know this is yet another stain on your much besmirch'd reputation.
I predict you'll say something about how this poem is not about girls and poetesses, but rather about something unrelated and at present unimaginable.
I don't need to go for empowerment. I'm empowered by birth, being a man and a White.
Are the reasons "to fuck"?