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Concerto Chaotic (Free verse) by thepinkbunnyofdoom
He walked in drunk and confident But now he wonders If the mysteries behind his eyes Are just another part of his mask Not a lie, so much as a carefully constructed Dancing to what seems his hearts content The truth is his strength is gone and spent He knows he could have what he's looking for But now the question is whether he wants it anymore His dreams are like floating bubbles that burst Filled with hot hair and carbon dioxide And as a random possibility attachs itself to his lips She runs his hands along her tighes, and clutches them to her breast And he can taste the contents of the bottle still on her lips Then she stumbles and she trips And then in that moment he loses it That mask that was his confidence Made from Ivory and Pearl And when its finally been replaced Returned to its rightful place The show is coming to an end But its far too late by then The seal of his secrets broken His worst fears, for a second on, display for the world to see Even though its never said He sees himself as a monster underneath Nothing you can say will change that belief So for a moment Into the shadows With all his hints and teasing glances What is it that he really wants? A sweet interlude or something truely romantic?

Up the ladder: Bracelets In A Box
Down the ladder: Dare

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.888889
Weighted score: 6.4444447
Overall Rank: 749
Posted: February 3, 2005 6:26 PM PST; Last modified: February 3, 2005 6:26 PM PST
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Comments:
[6] fevriere @ 62.254.128.4 | 5-Feb-05/1:39 AM | Reply
I really do like it - the first stanza was definitely captivating, for the confident entrance and then the creeping of doubts.

But call me ignorant.. It's not really.. Poetic. You're not hiding anything. And what you explain seems to go on a long time. I think there are lines here that are superfluous - they don't help so they drag.

Like "into the shadows". Sounds very The Rasmus. At least forget the linebreak that makes it independent.
[9] SupremeDreamer @ 216.99.240.160 | 8-Feb-05/12:31 AM | Reply
Misspelled thighs.
Bravo motherfucker.
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