Dovina
replying on Girly by Dovina
6 Feb 2005, 8:50 PM
Jessicazee is with me part way; Wilco is part way there; Shuushinâs Ogden Nash comparison is not a bad thing; Zodiac is befuddled as usual; but by Job, youâve got it. At least what you say is lighthearted and heavy-handed is what I meant. I suppose itâs ok for people to get what they see in a poem, but itâs gratifying when somebody sees it the way I do.
I see your point about the last four lines.
A shy girl who was recently dumped
On PR with her poetry jumped.
We'll do nothing but damn her
For spelling and grammar
And rhyme have -- like love -- got her stumped.
Crakyamuni
replying on Save our Self(revised to be a trek into the vent tent) by Crakyamuni
6 Feb 2005, 3:22 PM
tuh.
All this seems a little "unsettling"
as do most beautiful things.
love it.
I love your style, it is serene and surreal and smooth - although I am confused about the last line.
I like it but the ending is elusive and not satisfying, please elaborate.
I really like this poem. It is very light-hearted with much sarcasm. I believe the last four lines would be better re-arranged as follows:
"but Iâm better off girly
than a poetess, surely
this poem of mine
doesn't seem to rhyme"
It puts the heavy-handed "girly conclusion" inside the poem and makes the end a "typically girly" comment(in the sacastic sense in which you write about the subject of girliness).
It is too.
I agree, and I was. Nonetheless, the moment described was priceless.
Indeed. It's a haiku, too.
I've an eight for my perfidy, how grand
Though the rest of the poetry's judged bland
perhaps it'd less bore you
the Schnectadian to explore you --
can you more than the chickadee withstand?
Thanks for the comments. I had to look up Burkowskian. Good stuff from Burkowsky - I'm reading more, even as I type.
What a poet will do to stick to a form!
With words play what tricks to the mold to conform!
But it jusn't isn't fair - no!
To harm a poor little helpless baby sparrow,
One man's tale as a pome to perform.
Lovely poem of thanks.
Friends how many of us have them? ReAlLy!!!!
Hang in there! It will get better for you and your mother just believe, I know
far more interesting than the posts it is in reaction to. Great fun as an in-joke on societate de wanker. But it also stands alone, with that Bukowskian last line.
How many real deathbeds have you seen?
I'm not saying I could trump you or anything, I've just been under the impression that most people on deathbeds are unconscious, drug-addled, and rather bad-smelling. If you've been reading one of these as religious inclination, please let me know.
-
zodiac
It's obvious to anyone that -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I. doesn't take issue with God, nor even his alter-ego Jesu. Who the fuck would?
Oh, right. You would.
He probably just takes issue with people's bumbling notions about God, like everybody does from time to time. So you're basically just failing to make the same distinction you accused me of failing to make on your poem "Psalm of Wonder". And, incidentally, showing the same lack of comprehension which haunts pretty much all of your God poems. Want to criticize people? Go right ahead! Want to criticize God? You'd do better shoving fiery coals up your snoot right now and saving yourself a wait. And besides, everyone knows God just trumps at all criticism.