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DUI Violation (Free verse) by amateurR Drunk at the wheel of my lifeâs car,
Crashing and burning
Hurting and getting hurt
Laughing sadistically
Blasting the music on my lifeâs radio
Screaming my song
Humming along that haunting tune
Of passion and madness
Speeding on the highway of my life
Driving along fast
Coming to a screeching halt
I see you in the eye, I feel you in the gut..
Up the ladder:
Day Dream
Down the ladder:
Narnia Apocalypse
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.75
Posted: February 4, 2005 1:06 PM PST; Last modified: February 4, 2005 1:06 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.089402 Overall Rank: 6291 Comments:
[7]
Dovina @ 12.72.11.186
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4-Feb-05/4:47 PM
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Reply
Good. Try omitting "Driving along fast" and "my" in the line above.
I like the last line. I would probably rewrite everything else. Try including some poetry along the way, and maybe making a couple of real sentences.
I like it but the ending is elusive and not satisfying, please elaborate.
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