poemranker ::Clouds by dancin_n_da_moonlite

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Free verse № 119692

Clouds

by dancin_n_da_moonlite

Member since 2004 · Posted 5 Feb 2005 · Edited 24 Jan 2006 · 4 comments

You say my head is in the clouds. “Come back to earth, focus on what you are supposed to be doing.” “Concentrate on your job.” “Get your head out of the clouds." Maybe, Maybe I like the clouds. Maybe I want my head, in the clouds, Maybe my job is in the clouds. You. You all with your negativity; trying to force me out of my cloud. Maybe my job is to be your foil. Maybe my job is to find the silver lining in my clouds to give to you.

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1 vote so far. Yours would make 2.1 vote so far

4 comments

[8] zodiac 6-Feb-05/1:17 AM Reply
The 'foil' and 'silver lining' part was cool. It doesn't make the rest of the poem worth it, though.
[10] Dan garcia-Black 17-Mar-05/8:22 AM Reply
This style of creating a mood followed by quick jab of insight at the end is very enjoyable.

"I like the clouds.
I want my head,
in the clouds,
My job is..."

Would make you sound more certain of your conclusion but might ruin the mood. -10-

is in the clouds.
[n/a] dancin_n_da_moonlite › Dan garcia-Black 20-Mar-05/12:37 PM Reply
thankyou ....... :)
-megan
[3] Alizarin_Crimson 25-Jan-06/8:19 AM Reply
This sounds like somebody typed up the notes from a therapist's notepad. The only good part is the last stanza, because it posseses a modicum of originality...the rest is one inflated cliche.