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Clouds (Free verse) by dancin_n_da_moonlite You say my head is in the clouds.
âCome back to earth,
focus
on what you are supposed to be doing.â
âConcentrate
on your job.â
âGet your head
out of the clouds."
Maybe,
Maybe I like the clouds.
Maybe I want my head,
in the clouds,
Maybe my job
is in the clouds.
You.
You all with your negativity;
trying to force me out of my cloud.
Maybe my job is to be
your foil.
Maybe my job is to find
the silver lining
in my clouds
to give to you.
Up the ladder:
Inside the house of dreams
Down the ladder:
Heat-stroke
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.0
Posted: February 5, 2005 8:40 AM PST; Last modified: January 24, 2006 10:56 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.905148 Overall Rank: 9796 Comments:
[8]
zodiac @ 212.38.134.51
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6-Feb-05/1:17 AM
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Reply
The 'foil' and 'silver lining' part was cool. It doesn't make the rest of the poem worth it, though.
This style of creating a mood followed by quick jab of insight at the end is very enjoyable.
"I like the clouds. I want my head, in the clouds, My job is..." Would make you sound more certain of your conclusion but might ruin the mood. -10- is in the clouds.
thankyou ....... :)
-megan
This sounds like somebody typed up the notes from a therapist's notepad. The only good part is the last stanza, because it posseses a modicum of originality...the rest is one inflated cliche.
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