Thanks for the vote and comment. Your suggestion is good. This poem is one in a series I'm doing about fairy tales--maybe it follows the story line too closely. And I haven't heard of Carol Shields, but I'll read her. :)

this is good man. s'like something nick cave would pass off as writing in "and the ass saw the angel"...nick cave meets flannery o connor under the shadow of the peyote. good stuff

Good limerick

very funny not!

Like it!

"See no more than him" means they only see him. I think you mean "See no more than he," which has an invisible "does" after. Maybe you didn't. But after starting with him being blind, that kind of follows. On the whole this one is quite a bit weaker than your others (which I wanted to say are totally ace.) The parenthesis bit is really good, though. Have you read the late, excellent Canadian novelist Carol Shields? You should. She used that parentheses image several times.

Hi.

What are you? A hamster? A Scottish midget?

should not be posted as a poem, you're from the suburbs? explains you, shit.

everything i'd say positive or negative has been said, no need to repeat everyone else in different words.

"they, in horror, looked on" breaks the flow of a limerick, and i agree that the last line is weak. take out the commas from the horror line and that part is fixed... the rest is up to you

villanelles are tough poems to keep fresh from stanza to stanza with all the line repetition... very well done, solid on the form and vivid in content.

i work in the music industry, and as far as a lyric goes this would be extremely difficult to put to music. as a regular free verse poem i'd give this a 9, but as a lyric i have to drop to an 8. very good imagery, by the way

is this really a prose-poem, or is it more free verse? doesn't matter either way, i enjoyed it... my only criticism is that a couple lines (nowhereman pointed out one of them) try too hard to be poetic and mysterious... explaining something isn't always a no-no in poetry.

i enjoyed the sexual undertones, a nice deviation from the standard poems on this subject found throughout this site. i tend to agree that staying on the same topic gets repetitive, but it's often difficult to find inspiration in things that don't excite you, or things you don't usually think about. try changing it up; write this poem from the other person's perspective, see what happens.

has everything a good limerick should have... lewdness, humor, and fucked up bel-air, mid-air rhyme...and it opens up with the conventional "there once was a man from.." perfect

i can only assume you are shooting to make the 20 worst board with this one, so -1-

The title alone is enough to make me love this!

is this a joke?

i know how you feel and what you are trying to put out there - but your lyric has the predictability of any high school band. keep writing though - you have potential. <3 emm