The rule is, killingjuliet, that you gotta support your opinion on why you put down a two. Even if it is 'It just sucks', I really want to know. :)

Congradulations.

I've got balls, brains, clits, tits, patience and inner peace. Your poem's still crap. p.s. Happiness is overrated. p.p.s. You're an asshat.

what's wrong with your poem is what's wrong with 99.9% of poem's her, nothing happens. It's boring.

What were the other costumes? Was yours the best? Were you crying when you called horus?

this made me all floaty 8/10

The main problems with this poem are that the thing with the pronunciation guide for the names is ridiculous; you should know how to pronounce it when you see it. So "Pondrine" should be "Pondreh Ni" or something such, "Taeks" should be "Taieks," and "Aark" should definitely be "Gaydvark". Leaving them lower-case doesn't help. And no one should be given a particular name just to make a rhyme. Also, your poem is sadly lacking in pointlessly repeated words and jarring exclamatories. See how much better the following verse sounds than yours. The Elvish Prince went riding, riding, Riding out to the sea. Full many a worthy fellow had he! A ranger, a dwarf, and mages three Had he in his hurrying company. And their stealthy cloaks went gliding, gliding (Through hollow and tree! Fum! fettle! fee!) As the Elvish Lord went riding, riding Out to the Western Sea.

Did the word "transmogrified" exist before Bill Watterson, the creator of Calvin and Hobbes, popularized it? Dictionary.com returns "Origin unknown," which makes me think no.

like how you were flowing just the last line kinda stops it from workin real well

double entendre with the title? perhaps... as far as the poem itself, it flows well because you obviously vented, allowing stream of consciousness to control the direction. maybe leaving it for a day and coming back to edit would have made an impact on the poem

while the quality of your poems is staying constant, you need to find new material... go back to all of your poems; how many, when summed up, have the same underlying inspiration? if you're still having trouble leaving this topic, try telling it from one or both of the guy's perspective(s), could be interesting

good poem (sorry for the lack of insight), but one question... i haven't been on in awhile; why did a bunch of you change your names, and why is zodiac now posting from an anonymous IPS with his user name deleted?

good stuff

simple and sweet

This is very good, with vivid imagery.I've heard the word "transmogrified" used in relation to change from one substance to another--like dinosaur bone to stone, for example, so I think to use it in a description of conjuring works really well. I have only one suggestion-- I'd change "I'd hope" in the repeating line to "I hope" because the poem implies that the spell is taking place in the present, but "I'd hoped" suggests that the hopping is over.

woops--I meant hoping, not hopping, haha. No rabbits coming out of hats in your poem. :)

Beautifl ode to an unborn child--I love this line: Close to faraway from everyone

Many of the references are lost on me, yet some quick checking tells me that they are made of iron - I like the flow of it, and the sounds.

A fairly rarely used form in these parts (maybe I posted one - I'll check after I write this); its a tough one. It very easily passes the "dress wearing the girl/the girl wearing the dress" test and the rhymes are smoove. did you miss the punctuation after bone on purpose? You might have. I wonder if wordsmithing "very hot" would buy you anything (other than trading freshness for pretentiousness), you've been up and down that I suppose.

Thank you Shin Shuu for the comment and the suggestion on "very hot." I'll think about it and keep the idea, but get rid of "very," which is a blah word. I'm usually pretty good with editing my poems, but that one slipped by me. Good call.