Dan garcia-Black
on some deleted poem
6 Aug 2004, 8:41 AM
Ouch!
agreed
haha ha
Something about this is...
with one eye?
Get a lawyer, and sue...
Imagine how bad it would have been
Without the Vicodin!
1) 'simplest'
2) mimic and parrot mean the same thing
3) Not sure the second verse follows on so well from 'non of it true'
4) If someone changes expression it is immediately lost, that is a truism not a fear.
Ummm... No... There is a definite rythm to this poem.
(There's a couple of errors ;), but definitely rythm :P)
The inimate moment is lost not only the expression? If that is the meaning then the 2nd verse could use a bit o' rewrite. At this public moment -8-
i like, short, sweet, and accurate -9-
Quite nice, enjoyed reading it. Blessed with eight, go in peace.
reminded me of Loretta Lynn
If this were a pimple, It would be nine. But its not, so have a six.
Evocative images. Old saying,"If you introduce a gun in the third stanza, it should go off in the fourth." I'd like to see you spending your life shooting some hoops with those fine basketball shoes on your feet. Good poem.
barbie and ken parted ways. now Blaine's the man. its terrible.
I hated the ending, it would do better to rhyme.
'not wanting to linger/he stuck in his finger' sounds better.
i don't think that poem was confusing, i understand it quite well.