Dovina
on some deleted poem
8 Sep 2004, 10:44 AM
To "release and be" is the best part of love.
The line "Once more I sleep none" is so ungrammatic it pretty much ruins the rest of the poem, some punctuation would also help.
Perhaps a touch self-pitying and a little open to personal interpretation, vagueness and subtlety are not the same thing.
Perhaps a touch self-pitying and a little open to personal interpretation, vagueness and subtlety are not the same thing.
Perhaps a touch self-pitying and a little open to personal interpretation, vagueness and subtlety are not the same thing.
A notch below staggeringly cack.
I'm confused about how you intended for the phrase "of delicate was" to be grammatical and relevant, instead of just being a cutesy Ben Harper-ish affectation. Would you mind explaining it to me? Thanks,
The Islam Society for Grammar Detention
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/country_profiles/1143240.stm
that source is unreliable!!!
the prostitute thing is totally WRONG
Maybe...
You do realize that this is the same poem you've been writing to your Dad, Jesus, your boyfriend, and the rapists for some time now.
A roaring flea.
You asked for me to comment on something so here we go. I was always a fan of the "I can't have this person" type stuff, call me a sucker for it. Nice. Sweet. To the Point. Not that I'm anyone special to be giving critique on other's work. I like it.
Waiting is always the hardest part. Insecurity. Not having closure, good or bad. Excellent expression of this. Good job :D
I won't vote on this because poems that I like I tend to hand out 8's to. But whether or not the world's 8 is the same is mine, well I don't know. But I will say that I like this. Reminds me of the stuff you'd find in Cobain's journal.
Hmm. We've all felt like that at one point or another.
Ah, I couldn't help it. It actually made me smirk a little.
Um. Well the words "letting go issues" comes to mind, but who am I to judge. It's a 5 for me, Bob.
Yea.
This poem is one of the longer ones I've read. But, as long as it was for me, I kept reading. That's good. Typos I could have done without, but otherwise, lovely.