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Licking An Ashtray (Free verse) by Blindpoetry
Don't kiss me. Your mouth is nothing but ash. I wish I would have said that. I wish. I should have. I could have. I didn't. Her lips locked onto mine and her tongue scavanged for bile down my throat. Gag me. I couldn't resist. The ash mouth seemed so clean. Yet. Dirty and disgusting. Big word. Grotesque. We're still doing this. This... wet, sloppy kiss that I objected to, but she is to drunk to understand me. Or to even understand what the looks on other peoples faces mean when they walk by and stare at us. I'm killing myself. They are all stareing at us. I'm watching myself. They look in disgust. Die. A jerk. This jerk laughs. And. Accidentally bumps into us. An accident is what he said it was. He says it. But does he mean it? She goes down. The drunk one. The high one. The one that kissed me. She falls down and doesn't get up. I'm wondering. Is that ketchup? I don't know. But one person screams. And you hear one persons shoes slam the ground as he darts away. I'm just stareing at her. Blind. Me. From. This. Horrible. Site. Focus. My eyes focus and dart on lock. The hit and run person. He is on lock. And. I run. Fast. To him. Leaving her, the blissfully drunk behind. Dead. Maybe. Running. Running. Running. And I'm ketching up to him. ...I once saw a billbaord that said if you kissed a smoker, you've licked an ash tray. Hm... Maybe that is correct. While I run, I try to recall if licking an ash tray was ever a point in my existence. Ketching up. Just. Like. Her. The runner doesn't see me. The hit and run person doesn't look back. He left his buddies. His girlfriend. His other girlfriends. And his dignaty. Or something. Like. That. He is stopped by a manager. To stop running. He stops. He listens and nervously looks behind him to see if he is being tracked. When he turns around. He. He sees my face. BAM! He is startled. Studder. Sound. In. His. Vocal. Cords. Maybe? I just wanted to say, I say in a smooth voice, Thank you.

Up the ladder: Advertising says:
Down the ladder: Intestinal Splash

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.2689414
Overall Rank: 3906
Posted: September 6, 2004 6:20 PM PDT; Last modified: September 6, 2004 6:20 PM PDT
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Comments:
[10] thepinkbunnyofdoom @ 66.213.67.10 | 7-Sep-04/9:26 AM | Reply
Loved it despite or perhaps because of the many typos. Expecially the depth and the styling, but the ending was the best part. A real plot twist, but so obvious when you think of the character's first thoughts. Plus the fact that its all thoughts, although I think the last line should have been "". -10- for a splendid poem.
[9] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 | 7-Sep-04/10:46 AM | Reply
I'm exhausted.

I've kissed a smoker, and it is like licking an ashtray. It's their business what they do with their health, and it's mine what I think of mine and their effect on it.
[n/a] Bachus @ 24.130.62.63 | 8-Sep-04/12:09 PM | Reply
A roaring flea.
[10] LintyWeenis @ 152.163.253.99 | 8-Sep-04/2:52 PM | Reply
This poem is one of the longer ones I've read. But, as long as it was for me, I kept reading. That's good. Typos I could have done without, but otherwise, lovely.
[n/a] wilco @ 4.227.32.63 | 8-Sep-04/6:49 PM | Reply
The bottom line is that smoking is cool and you know it. If you damn nonsmokers would take the time to learn how to smoke, you'd realize how good it really is.

In all seriousness, though, it's not a bad poem but you really need to spell check it.
[9] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 > wilco | 13-Sep-04/9:36 AM | Reply
Suppose the science table were turned and the results showed that smoking improves health. You would then have two good arguments: “I enjoy smoking,” and “Smoking is good for me and our secondhand smoke is good for you damn nonsmokers.” The only argument I would have is, “I don’t like to smoke and I don’t like secondhand smoke.” In its present state of development, science happens to make me look like a prudent prude and you a happy-go-lucky fun-seeker. Except for a referee that has changed from alchemy to chemistry and earth-centered to sun-centered, we feed each other the same argument.
We agree on a good glass of red wine, let science be damned. To agreement. (clink) Cheers.
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.38.148.226 > Dovina | 13-Sep-04/10:26 PM | Reply
Is your argument that if it weren't for the trivial fact that smoking is scientifically proven to kill you and everyone around you, smoking would be entirely good while nonsmoking would be somehow less-than-entirely good; and science is bunk anyway and proven by yogis to be the opposite of true every time?

Congratulations! 100 points!
[9] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 > zodiac | 14-Sep-04/10:25 AM | Reply
Nice try, but of course you know that is not even close to what I was saying. If you want to discuss something, why do you insist on changing it first? If you want to discuss a new topic, why don't you propose a new topic?
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.154.163.133 > Dovina | 14-Sep-04/10:52 AM | Reply
I propose we discuss whether or not smoking is cool. I think it obviously is cool, because nobody likes their first few cigarettes. The only thing that makes them push through this barrier is the fact that they look cool. That, and the promise of nicotine delights on the horizon.
[9] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 14-Sep-04/11:05 AM | Reply
Smoking is cool because you think it is cool. That's an opinion about how it looks or feels.
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.118.14.17 > Dovina | 14-Sep-04/2:25 AM | Reply
[0] cheese.doodles @ 70.52.170.79 | 15-Mar-07/10:22 AM | Reply
Learn to spell. While you're at it, learn to write good poetry.
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