Re: I still love you by Prince of Void	Prince of Void 62.220.96.227	5-Apr-05/9:12 PM
it never reach three
Re: Make Music in Your Heart by Dovina	Hadasl 85.250.29.224	5-Apr-05/11:37 PM
The content is great, but the flow is awful. Though there were some mediocre lines, for example: 'This is how I learned the piano and how I’ve learned to write now' It sounds like a 5 year old wrote it. And by the way, we are all still learning. The flow seems very elementary and abecedarian, so please work on that. As well, learn to accept criticism. Your comments to the reviews, (any comment to reviewing, if not for elucidation, is wrong in my opinion) were extremely puerile. Accept it, and move on. You shouldn't try to fight with people to change their views to ones you agree with. Be mature.
regarding some deleted poem...	James Rykelangeli 169.229.90.109	5-Apr-05/11:37 PM
a poem with great potential. but you have a considerable number of problems to work out. here are a few technical points: 1. you cannot describe a liquid as "supple": a liquid cannot be pliant, limber, or compliant literally or figuratively. if supple refers to the ripened hearts, this requires clarification. 2. "bruisey" is not a word, nor does its use confer any advantage over "bruised." rather, it only confuses. 3. i might disagree with using "wide-eyed" for fish as it carries the strong connotation of being in response to surprise, wonder, etc. maybe "fish with wide eyes..." 4. this is perhaps nitpicky, but skin cannot be "slick with heat" -- heat itself is not slick. yes, obviously heated skin is often sweaty, but nonetheless i think the imagery is confusing. you might try "slick and heated" instead, or something along those lines. 5. "boiled cantaloupes": i'm concerned with the veracity of this image. where did you get it? i don't know of any recipes calling for boiled cantaloupes. or if you mean that the sun splits open cantaloupes in extreme heat, i don't believe that's actually the case in nature (nor do I believe there would be a glorious explosion in which seeds arc and sparkle.) rather, cantaloupes rot. 6. what "blurring traces of color" refers to is difficult to determine. i assumed it meant the color of the boats' sails being blurred as they approach the horizon. still, clarification is in order.
Re: Moments (or) Suicide by Dovina	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	6-Apr-05/1:06 AM
The once warming, nay, comforting shroud of guff that surrounded your work, like a brown halo, has been penetrated by a sharp incision of failure hence the above poem receives a fitting vote of -4- :{
Re: I still love you by Prince of Void	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	6-Apr-05/1:07 AM
This poem or (other) is extremely rubbish.
Re: Celestial Veil by Hadasl	zodiac 212.118.19.212	6-Apr-05/3:35 AM
When God is lonely, do you think He ever imagines looking at nude girls, the way humans do? PS-I know you don't separate Jesus and God in the poem, but I imagine them separate and, you know, like hanging out alot. I mean, why the hell wouldn't they?
Re: Hanging Gallows by Hadasl	zodiac 212.118.19.212	6-Apr-05/3:39 AM
"here" should be "hear" "Poseidon's wheeze" should be anything else.
Re: Yesterdays testament by Caducus	zodiac 212.118.19.212	6-Apr-05/3:45 AM
The Bible lies, not lays.
Re: Nothingness by beck2457	zodiac 212.118.19.212	6-Apr-05/3:45 AM
It wasn't very interesting, except to you.
Re: Moments (or) Suicide by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.19.212	6-Apr-05/3:49 AM
I don't follow the last sentence. Are you going to be evaluated for the 70% ratio, or for your failure to have more Moments in thirty-something years of existing?
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 12.72.10.85	6-Apr-05/8:49 AM
The one still alive when the last arguement is posted wins.
Re: Celestial Veil by Hadasl	Dovina 12.72.10.85	6-Apr-05/8:53 AM
The rebuttal has usually been, “That’s why He made humans.”
Re: Golden Sands by Hadasl	Dovina 12.72.10.85	6-Apr-05/8:58 AM
Too etherial, I think, to make the jump from earthly sand to heavenly sand without some transition. Nice thought though.
Re: Arab Shepherd (a belief poem for Dovina) by zodiac	Dovina 12.72.10.85	6-Apr-05/9:21 AM
I don’t know why you add to a good title, the phrase, “a belief poem for Dovina” unless your firmly standing shepherd reminds you of firm belief, and I either do not, or do, or also write about belief. In any case, it flows well, but I think you sacrifice too much clarity for form. Introducing the old English “’twas” so late in the poem, for example, and not using old English again, shows a strong desire to maintain meter. And that whole sentence is cumbersome. Shouldn’t “love” be “Love,” as a name?
Re: Everytime by krazymofo321	dancin_n_da_moonlite 66.28.32.66	6-Apr-05/9:50 AM
nice sentiment but its really not that original, and sounds kind of pimply
Re: Love Spoke by MistressSnow	the_poetess 66.28.32.66	6-Apr-05/9:55 AM
im not a fan of rhyming and lines 34 & 36 don't even rhyme..
Re: ?? by timvick473662003	dancin_n_da_moonlite 66.28.32.66	6-Apr-05/9:57 AM
to pimply
Re: NIGHTMILK SUNBLOOD by horus8	dancin_n_da_moonlite 66.28.32.66	6-Apr-05/10:01 AM
you have the unnerving habit of writing poems twice the length they need to be, have you considered seeing the dali exhibit in philly?
Re: Biased. by darby pyn	dancin_n_da_moonlite 66.28.32.66	6-Apr-05/10:04 AM
nice
Re: Arab Shepherd (a belief poem for Dovina) by zodiac	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	6-Apr-05/1:45 PM
Public or private, quite good. I have never seen a pillar of salt unless it was contained.