10 because i didnt think someone could keep my attention for 14 minutes but you did -

the rhyming is so forced that it distracted me from w/e you were trying to say.......

Thanks. I have been trying to attain a certain level of abstract and visonarianism...but I don't seem to be able to manage. Probably not super enough to attempt the impossible. You're right about turbid. Will take your advice and try something a little simpler and easier to grasp. As for this poem, it was an experiment with a general tone, there really is no meaning...a slight parallel maybe...but no beginning or end.

Ferociousness is cumbersome. Especially as the rest of your poem is full of simple, short words. Try ferocity. I really like it. I really do. Don't know exactly why.

we all suffer - suck it up if your feeling sad - this may sound good to you but to the rest of world its dribble - try writing about sadness when you're happy and happiness when you're sad - it works better that way

good questions - not sure how well it would work in lyrical form....

i like the way this paints a pictures of the person, but is simply written

A nice mix of physical and verbal ugliness. It seems the last line might keep some of that.

If only she'd read it, she's swoon.

"let them say you are of nothing made".....the whole inverting words to make things rhymes just doesnt sound good..

i like this

"i'm dying here slowly" - this part sounds nice - but the rest seems kind of forced --

nice!

Nyah.. I'm afraid this tastes a bit stale to me. "The God's"? Do you mean "the gods" or am I missing something? No vote - hoping it might be revised.

I love it. . .it's like I can see the picture you painted with the poem in my mind

I really warmed to this one. It unfolds slowly like a bud then tulip bang ! One thing lines 6-7 you need only one 'and'. Strong.

I LOVE IT!

I've seen her, can feel her paranoia. Welcome to poemranker.

This is all very confusing.

Thank you Dovina, so nice to meet you! skye