sliver
on FREAKIN by celticskatermatt1
28 Apr 2005, 7:52 PM
Only because you misspelled cello
nice. I like "We unwittingly spit on the history
Of souls stained like ours"
This has a couple good phrases in it, if you wanted to make it more poetic and less like a diary entry.
Maybe play s'more w/ these three lines:
He left with a bloody nose
and a "tissue for the road."
I care for him
but we're just faking comfort.
Somehow, it lacked the grace you gave to things.
marshmallows
when spelled correctly
can still rhyme with cellos
And with that he's gone. Now you're changing sides?
It's funny how everyone seems to know what your needs are more than you do. I can see people cringe when they think I am going to recite one of my poems. Friends, family, it doesn't matter. I guess that's why most of us are here, looking for acceptance.
I'm glad you wrote in that last stanza, I was going to chew you out! Nice prayer. Why don't you move next to me so I can be that neighbor who's prayers are answered.
Muncie lol. Muncie is the laughing-stock of the state that's the laughing-stock of the country that's the laughing-stock of the world.
I just want to reiterate my total, total horror at this poeme. I've seen so many unbelievably sick things on the internet that I don't understand how I can feel so morally violated by what is, when you get down to it, a description of ordinary, unkinky, consensual sex between consenting adults.
I think it's because I keep imagining Rockmage peeping out from a closet to watch, his beard all a-quiver.
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The first stanza reminds me of my friend Skip, "Stay out of my mind, there's things in there i don't want you to know." Good visuals.
What does Zodiac know? I like it.
fine writing
What is a ship? Alex
yes quite
Loved this part "Then she's tucked, like laundry wearing rumpled laundry,
in the old crotchless, scallops..."
I got the sexual undertone, though not the way you intended it; I was thinking the key was a metaphor for some masturbation tool at the end.
What's outrageous?
Papal praise is
What's disgusting?
Condom bustin'
What's outrageous?
Celebate priests is
What's forbidden?
alter boy smitten
What do we want?
Condoms!
When do we want 'em?
Now!
I hate to admit I like this, but I do.
Hello Mulberry. I hope all is well with you. Why the orientation change? Why not just find another man?
I don't believe God cares much whether or not you talk to Him in James's English. It's not His native tongue, anyway, and probably not the one He speaks now. That and you have to worry about all those unfamiliar conjugations, like "Give me only Thineself" rather than "Give me only Thee". And you have to worry about sounding like a world-class schmo.
Anyway, please consider changing all the Thees, Thys and Thous to Yous, Yours, and Yous, respectively. Thank you. Please also note that any pronoun referring to God should be capitalized - i.e., I beseech Thee...
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