Not bad, but it should be "thirst like she HAS never known before" and broken into several shorter sentences - after "reside", I'd say, and maybe after "brine".

The line "that paint deserts golden pink" doesn't seem connected to any of the rest of the poem. And I don't even know if it's true. "Settling" should probably be "settle". Samson and Delilah doesn't really fit, since you're getting your hair cut (i.e., you're Samson) but it's not making you weak (i.e., like it did Samson). The last two lines are great and well-broken. Make the two lines leading into them stronger. You don't need to say "I've shorn myself for the summer" for so long, since you've already said it and better. Think of something else. -10-.

The last stanza has got to go.

Hi, welcome to poemranker! I'd like to make some suggestions about your poem, but I'm afraid you're going to have a seizure if I do. What can I do? Sincerely, Worried in Ar-Rabba

Say "his", not "their".

I don't get it. So nothing's actually censored, it just has a bunch of odd Xs inserted?

This is great. One thing: "born" should be "borne".

Fucking great poem. Love the style and statements.

This is the best thing you've posted here. I read it once just for the flow of it. "There are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice." - F Scott Fitzgerald, 'The Sensible Thing'

"Begin with an individual, and before you know it you find that you have created a type; begin with a type, and you find that you have created - nothing." -'The Rich Boy'

I wonder if you read much of the poetry that's written these days. Of course a lot of it is crap, just like most poetry from any time, but I think you'd be really surprised and pleased by some. Check it out. Robert Pinsky posts a new poem on his Slate.com page every week. They're always pretty good, and you can see them here: http://www.slate.com/?id=3944&;cp=3333. A recent one has one of my favorite bits of poetry ever: how scrufty, how anciently scabby we, he and I; how worn, how self-devoured, balls and all, balls, balls and all.

I was my own worst enemy when I said, "OK, I'll do it your way."

did you mean relinquish? also wherever is one word, and nature's. grammer and punctuation is important for a writer, yes?

A well made point, even if it did sound a bit forced.

Damn, such violent tendencies in a poet, whatever shall we do?

Some of the wording here is a bit cumbersome but your story rings true and conveys a very powerful and important message. How many friendships will never be known because of the doubt and reluctance you describe? I enjoyed reading it. -10-

"Nightmare", "Avoidnace" possible titles. What we do to obliterate him and his power.

what can I say? I'm a fan.

submit this to an NA meditation book

wonder v/s "wounder" - wounded wondering? intelligence v/s "intelligences" swallowed v/s "swalloed"