Re: The Resilient Woman by Joe-joe	zodiac 212.118.19.76	29-Apr-05/4:28 AM
Not bad, but it should be "thirst like she HAS never known before" and broken into several shorter sentences - after "reside", I'd say, and maybe after "brine".
Re: Requiem by ChaseValentine	zodiac 212.118.19.76	29-Apr-05/4:47 AM
The line "that paint deserts golden pink" doesn't seem connected to any of the rest of the poem. And I don't even know if it's true. "Settling" should probably be "settle". Samson and Delilah doesn't really fit, since you're getting your hair cut (i.e., you're Samson) but it's not making you weak (i.e., like it did Samson). The last two lines are great and well-broken. Make the two lines leading into them stronger. You don't need to say "I've shorn myself for the summer" for so long, since you've already said it and better. Think of something else. -10-.
Re: Sins of convenience by sunset sky	zodiac 212.118.19.76	29-Apr-05/4:50 AM
The last stanza has got to go.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 212.118.19.76	29-Apr-05/4:52 AM
Hi, welcome to poemranker! I'd like to make some suggestions about your poem, but I'm afraid you're going to have a seizure if I do. What can I do? Sincerely, Worried in Ar-Rabba
Re: Walking Out by NoSage	zodiac 212.118.19.76	29-Apr-05/4:53 AM
Say "his", not "their".
Re: Censor by nentwined	zodiac 212.118.19.76	29-Apr-05/4:57 AM
I don't get it. So nothing's actually censored, it just has a bunch of odd Xs inserted?
Re: Carnival Creatures by <{Baba^Yaga}>	zodiac 212.118.19.76	29-Apr-05/5:03 AM
This is great. One thing: "born" should be "borne".
regarding some deleted poem...	Damien 212.248.252.234	29-Apr-05/5:05 AM
Fucking great poem. Love the style and statements.
Re: Returning by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.19.76	29-Apr-05/5:15 AM
This is the best thing you've posted here. I read it once just for the flow of it. "There are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice." - F Scott Fitzgerald, 'The Sensible Thing'
Re: Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.19.76	29-Apr-05/5:18 AM
"Begin with an individual, and before you know it you find that you have created a type; begin with a type, and you find that you have created - nothing." -'The Rich Boy'
Re: Just a Poem by Damien	zodiac 212.118.19.76	29-Apr-05/5:25 AM
I wonder if you read much of the poetry that's written these days. Of course a lot of it is crap, just like most poetry from any time, but I think you'd be really surprised and pleased by some. Check it out. Robert Pinsky posts a new poem on his Slate.com page every week. They're always pretty good, and you can see them here: http://www.slate.com/?id=3944&;cp=3333. A recent one has one of my favorite bits of poetry ever: how scrufty, how anciently scabby we, he and I; how worn, how self-devoured, balls and all, balls, balls and all.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 204.250.12.246	29-Apr-05/6:10 AM
I was my own worst enemy when I said, "OK, I'll do it your way."
Re: Wherever the Wind Will Blow by nothingtoanyone	sliver 172.194.35.117	29-Apr-05/3:14 PM
did you mean relinquish? also wherever is one word, and nature's. grammer and punctuation is important for a writer, yes?
Re: Just a Poem by Damien	sliver 172.194.35.117	29-Apr-05/3:17 PM
A well made point, even if it did sound a bit forced.
Re: Sins of convenience by sunset sky	sliver 172.194.35.117	29-Apr-05/3:20 PM
Damn, such violent tendencies in a poet, whatever shall we do?
Re: Racism by Dovina	Joe-joe 68.194.47.34	30-Apr-05/4:13 AM
Some of the wording here is a bit cumbersome but your story rings true and conveys a very powerful and important message. How many friendships will never be known because of the doubt and reluctance you describe? I enjoyed reading it. -10-
Re: Untitled by http://mulberryfairy	Dovina 204.250.12.246	30-Apr-05/11:09 AM
"Nightmare", "Avoidnace" possible titles. What we do to obliterate him and his power.
Re: The benefit of being realistic by Jeremi B. Handrinos	Alizarin_Crimson 24.250.22.18	30-Apr-05/12:07 PM
what can I say? I'm a fan.
Re: Walking Out by NoSage	http://mulberryfairy 216.195.164.97	30-Apr-05/3:12 PM
submit this to an NA meditation book
regarding some deleted poem...	http://mulberryfairy 216.195.164.97	30-Apr-05/3:16 PM
wonder v/s "wounder" - wounded wondering? intelligence v/s "intelligences" swallowed v/s "swalloed"