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Requiem (Free verse) by ChaseValentine I've chopped off all my East Coast hair
scattering it like hayseed
on tilled ground.
Curls caught in Bay winds
kindle the Arizona brush fires
that paint deserts golden pink.
Whirling tangles
stir up tornadoes from Oklahoma to Ohio,
settling into kinky Texarkana tumbleweeds.
A dizzy Delilah, no Sampson in sight;
I've shorn myself for summer,
soft waves now ebb above my forehead,
so you will have nothing to hold on to
when I run.
Up the ladder:
rainday
Down the ladder:
Ode 2 2Pac
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.5
Posted: April 29, 2005 2:20 AM PDT; Last modified: April 29, 2005 2:20 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.6723537 Overall Rank: 2021 Comments:
Beautiful and full of resolve.
Overwritten, for effect no doubt, but the last lines are good.
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"Settling" should probably be "settle".
Samson and Delilah doesn't really fit, since you're getting your hair cut (i.e., you're Samson) but it's not making you weak (i.e., like it did Samson).
The last two lines are great and well-broken. Make the two lines leading into them stronger. You don't need to say "I've shorn myself for the summer" for so long, since you've already said it and better. Think of something else. -10-.