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Requiem (Free verse) by ChaseValentine

I've chopped off all my East Coast hair scattering it like hayseed on tilled ground. Curls caught in Bay winds kindle the Arizona brush fires that paint deserts golden pink. Whirling tangles stir up tornadoes from Oklahoma to Ohio, settling into kinky Texarkana tumbleweeds. A dizzy Delilah, no Sampson in sight; I've shorn myself for summer, soft waves now ebb above my forehead, so you will have nothing to hold on to when I run.

zodiac 29-Apr-05/4:47 AM
The line "that paint deserts golden pink" doesn't seem connected to any of the rest of the poem. And I don't even know if it's true.

"Settling" should probably be "settle".

Samson and Delilah doesn't really fit, since you're getting your hair cut (i.e., you're Samson) but it's not making you weak (i.e., like it did Samson).

The last two lines are great and well-broken. Make the two lines leading into them stronger. You don't need to say "I've shorn myself for the summer" for so long, since you've already said it and better. Think of something else. -10-.




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