Huh.... whats this about..... unable to connect with it.

Excellent poem :-) and I'd do just that, if only there were no lectures to attend...

P.S. I feel this version is much better than the previous one, which I found somewhat muddled.

this is a poem as i love to read it's faith inside what i live for the poem made love

Interesting, I liked the poem. I also enjoyed the occasional alliteration :-)

u are right ...we dont need to follow rules of past ..we made rules ..that's art ...it must face changes if changes are against past ..

yearning => to yearn

You seem to need about 6 more lines between "hello" and "your poison". And a different last line. Other than that, I like it. Especially the rhyme and half-rhyme.

Are you Amelie Poulain?

A strawberry bounces like a blueberry? That seems kind of sloppy. "bad to wear by monkeys" needs rephrasing. Otherwise, good.

It's a lot like being a virgin, except that you get to have sex.

You've admitted to being sloppy about grammar, so I'll do it for you: Memoirs of a miner's son Anvil-eyed, my Father glanced at me. "Dress me well for Karen", he said. He drew his breaths like a hero's sword As I brushed his hair with still hands. This man would leave for work golden And return a shadow who left my lips black, reading me Whitman as I slept and living poetry each day I woke. My Father was Sicilian; The miners called him Brando, My Mother called him Darling, And I just called for him. And he'd always return to me With something carved from coal. He had no last words for me, Just a smile and a squeeze of my hand, And then he was twenty three again In a Daimler with Karen, Driving to Loch Lomond With forty two shillings, Two smiles and two rings, And her Father's wrath. Good. All-around good.

Be a real nonconformist: tell victimhood to blow off.

Oh, and this is your most poetic poem to date. That's a compliment, meaning it doesn't look like it was written by a malfunctioning word-generator.

Cool. Even with the forced line-ends. The second-to-last line needs punctuating.

A general writing suggestion: Don't pair practically every noun with a single adjective. Drop some of them. Make some strings of adjectives. You've already said octogenarian; don't say "old" veteran. Don't say "uneven" sidewalk; just try to suggest the sidewalk was uneven in a different way, like the veteran stumbled along the sidewalk, or the veteran caught his toes on the sidewalk. And so on.

out all of yours I've read, I think this is the best. I liked.

I was just starting to become interested; then read the last line and it was lost.

A very descriptive and powerful presentation of poetry.

so many nights i've spent sleepless, keeping company with your ghost sweet