Re: when i met sky alone by Prince of Void	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	30-Dec-05/1:13 AM
Huh.... whats this about..... unable to connect with it.
Re: Romans 8:28 by amanda_dcosta	Prince of Void 213.207.224.156	30-Dec-05/1:23 AM
this is a poem as i love to read it's faith inside what i live for the poem made love
Re: Don't Touch Me! by elderking	Niphredil 192.114.44.176	30-Dec-05/3:15 AM
Interesting, I liked the poem. I also enjoyed the occasional alliteration :-)
Re: Ennui by Sisterwolf	Niphredil 192.114.44.176	30-Dec-05/3:28 AM
Excellent poem :-) and I'd do just that, if only there were no lectures to attend...
Re: Ennui by Sisterwolf	Niphredil 192.114.44.176	30-Dec-05/3:30 AM
P.S. I feel this version is much better than the previous one, which I found somewhat muddled.
Re: I don't rhyme enough, eh? by Niphredil	Prince of Void 213.207.224.156	30-Dec-05/3:45 AM
u are right ...we dont need to follow rules of past ..we made rules ..that's art ...it must face changes if changes are against past ..
Re: a cordial greeting by calliope	zodiac 24.148.234.30	30-Dec-05/7:10 AM
You seem to need about 6 more lines between "hello" and "your poison". And a different last line. Other than that, I like it. Especially the rhyme and half-rhyme.
Re: order of events by skaskowski	zodiac 24.148.234.30	30-Dec-05/7:11 AM
Are you Amelie Poulain?
Re: lip balm by FreeFormFixation	zodiac 24.148.234.30	30-Dec-05/7:12 AM
A strawberry bounces like a blueberry? That seems kind of sloppy. "bad to wear by monkeys" needs rephrasing. Otherwise, good.
Re: Virgin by MacFrantic	zodiac 24.148.234.30	30-Dec-05/7:13 AM
It's a lot like being a virgin, except that you get to have sex.
Re: Bleeding by Hadasl	zodiac 24.148.234.30	30-Dec-05/7:16 AM
yearning => to yearn
Re: Memoirs of a miners son by Caducus	zodiac 24.148.234.30	30-Dec-05/7:19 AM
You've admitted to being sloppy about grammar, so I'll do it for you: Memoirs of a miner's son Anvil-eyed, my Father glanced at me. "Dress me well for Karen", he said. He drew his breaths like a hero's sword As I brushed his hair with still hands. This man would leave for work golden And return a shadow who left my lips black, reading me Whitman as I slept and living poetry each day I woke. My Father was Sicilian; The miners called him Brando, My Mother called him Darling, And I just called for him. And he'd always return to me With something carved from coal. He had no last words for me, Just a smile and a squeeze of my hand, And then he was twenty three again In a Daimler with Karen, Driving to Loch Lomond With forty two shillings, Two smiles and two rings, And her Father's wrath. Good. All-around good.
Re: My Interesting Life by Dovina	zodiac 24.148.234.30	30-Dec-05/7:27 AM
Be a real nonconformist: tell victimhood to blow off.
Re: My Interesting Life by Dovina	zodiac 24.148.234.30	30-Dec-05/7:28 AM
Oh, and this is your most poetic poem to date. That's a compliment, meaning it doesn't look like it was written by a malfunctioning word-generator.
Re: Crowded by INTRANSIT	zodiac 24.148.234.30	30-Dec-05/7:32 AM
Cool. Even with the forced line-ends. The second-to-last line needs punctuating.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 24.148.234.30	30-Dec-05/7:37 AM
A general writing suggestion: Don't pair practically every noun with a single adjective. Drop some of them. Make some strings of adjectives. You've already said octogenarian; don't say "old" veteran. Don't say "uneven" sidewalk; just try to suggest the sidewalk was uneven in a different way, like the veteran stumbled along the sidewalk, or the veteran caught his toes on the sidewalk. And so on.
Re: My Interesting Life by Dovina	elderking 209.79.199.120	30-Dec-05/9:44 AM
out all of yours I've read, I think this is the best. I liked.
Re: when i met sky alone by Prince of Void	elderking 209.79.199.120	30-Dec-05/9:48 AM
I was just starting to become interested; then read the last line and it was lost.
Re: ghost host by elderking	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	30-Dec-05/9:57 AM
A very descriptive and powerful presentation of poetry.
Re: ghost host by elderking	hendrimike 69.253.194.186	30-Dec-05/10:20 AM
so many nights i've spent sleepless, keeping company with your ghost sweet