| Re: War (edit) by zodiac |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37 |
30-Dec-05/10:28 AM |
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zodiac, if you're there,... get on chat.
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| Re: we hold hands when i sleep by hendrimike |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37 |
30-Dec-05/10:37 AM |
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Hmmm... not very impressive. I usually like love poems, but somehow the punch is missing. I can't quite place my finger in it.
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| Re: when i met sky alone by Prince of Void |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
30-Dec-05/1:10 PM |
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| Re: ghost host by elderking |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
30-Dec-05/1:15 PM |
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Punctuation: drop the semicolon, period after "ever do." Otherwise good.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
30-Dec-05/1:22 PM |
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A fairly coherant rant. Most rants go off half cocked.
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| Re: A Flower for Monet by Shuushin |
lmp 141.154.134.3 |
30-Dec-05/1:30 PM |
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delicately poised visuals. i can see the blossom's course, yet i do wonder why it ever lands... well done.
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| Re: Zin/Enough/Things/Squeeze/Flow by gregsamsa222 |
lmp 141.154.134.3 |
30-Dec-05/2:02 PM |
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well, i creid. i smiled, i nodded with understanding of those emotions. hopefully, i will not ever have to endure the "squeeze". ugh!
as others have said, the reverse works for me. it also leads us in an interesting slow growth to the painful climax, and then a joyous denoument, and then the ominous ending lines...
the impending doom of the garden would itself make an interesting stage for another piece of writing.
sorry for the long comment. and sorry for your loss.
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| Re: Divorcing Tennessee by Dovina |
lmp 141.154.134.3 |
30-Dec-05/2:06 PM |
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ugh. hope i don't ever go there. ;p
i know i will live and die where ya get changes of seasons, too.
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| Re: The Ballad of Fraser Allonby Q.C., Barrister-At-Law by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w |
lmp 141.154.134.3 |
30-Dec-05/2:12 PM |
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ok, i am sure that this was written before the premier of the TV show "Boston Legal", but Will Shatner's character (Denny Crane) comes to mind here.
well done, a riotous romp at pomp!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
30-Dec-05/2:16 PM |
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An indecent descent should start higher than it ends. No, if it's indecent, the opposite? A dismal workplace you have. Condolences!
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| Re: My Interesting Life by Dovina |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
30-Dec-05/3:49 PM |
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Shine on you crazy diamond.
I love line 1 of stanza 2. It sums up half the women I know and why their relationships fail.
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| Re: Desperate Season by Sisterwolf |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
30-Dec-05/5:02 PM |
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I felt good about this, felt their dismay, until the last verse. Then summer's suddenness seemed as if it should remain in their minds as a hope, not a reality quite yet.
I also think "Dark, withdrawn and without joy" is too strong for an ordinary winter. And "terror" also seems demeaning of people who know the seasons.
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| Re: Fate is Great by MacFrantic |
celticskatermatt1 68.8.219.40 |
30-Dec-05/8:13 PM |
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| Re: Fate is Great by MacFrantic |
celticskatermatt1 68.8.219.40 |
30-Dec-05/8:13 PM |
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| Re: Shadow's Stride by D. $ Fontera |
Niphredil 192.114.44.176 |
31-Dec-05/4:02 AM |
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Last stanza is nice. I don't get the first two...
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Niphredil 192.114.44.176 |
31-Dec-05/4:10 AM |
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Very nice :-) it was a pleasure.
The only adjective that jarred on me a little was the veteran's "porcelain face". Porcelain, to me, carries associations of something smooth, white and unblemished; which doesn't fit too well with the withered skin of the old man.
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| Re: ghost host by elderking |
Niphredil 192.114.44.176 |
31-Dec-05/4:12 AM |
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Good job. I don't really care for the title, though; it detracts from the rhyme in the last stanza.
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| Re: Desperate Season by Sisterwolf |
Niphredil 192.114.44.176 |
31-Dec-05/4:24 AM |
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I thought the last stanza was excellent :-) and the poem as a whole is great.
a little criticism: I don't care for the stanza before last. It adds no additional feeling or tone to the poem, changes its descriptive flow, and I feel it could easily be dropped altogether.
I enjoy reading your work, Sister; keep writing!
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| Re: The Darkness of Eternity by forestchild7 |
Niphredil 192.114.44.176 |
31-Dec-05/6:40 AM |
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it's = "it is". All your uses of this word should be replaced with "its".
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| Re: ghost host by elderking |
Prince of Void 213.207.224.156 |
31-Dec-05/10:58 AM |
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ur poem has haunted my mind like a ghost ..good job
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