celticskatermatt1
on Fate is Great by MacFrantic
30 Dec 2005, 8:13 PM
nice.
Last stanza is nice. I don't get the first two...
it's = "it is". All your uses of this word should be replaced with "its".
Shine on you crazy diamond.
I love line 1 of stanza 2. It sums up half the women I know and why their relationships fail.
Very nice :-) it was a pleasure.
The only adjective that jarred on me a little was the veteran's "porcelain face". Porcelain, to me, carries associations of something smooth, white and unblemished; which doesn't fit too well with the withered skin of the old man.
Good job. I don't really care for the title, though; it detracts from the rhyme in the last stanza.
I thought the last stanza was excellent :-) and the poem as a whole is great.
a little criticism: I don't care for the stanza before last. It adds no additional feeling or tone to the poem, changes its descriptive flow, and I feel it could easily be dropped altogether.
I enjoy reading your work, Sister; keep writing!
Punctuation: drop the semicolon, period after "ever do." Otherwise good.
A fairly coherant rant. Most rants go off half cocked.
well, i creid. i smiled, i nodded with understanding of those emotions. hopefully, i will not ever have to endure the "squeeze". ugh!
as others have said, the reverse works for me. it also leads us in an interesting slow growth to the painful climax, and then a joyous denoument, and then the ominous ending lines...
the impending doom of the garden would itself make an interesting stage for another piece of writing.
sorry for the long comment. and sorry for your loss.
I felt good about this, felt their dismay, until the last verse. Then summer's suddenness seemed as if it should remain in their minds as a hope, not a reality quite yet.
I also think "Dark, withdrawn and without joy" is too strong for an ordinary winter. And "terror" also seems demeaning of people who know the seasons.
nice.
zodiac, if you're there,... get on chat.
Hmmm... not very impressive. I usually like love poems, but somehow the punch is missing. I can't quite place my finger in it.
Line 2 is good.
delicately poised visuals. i can see the blossom's course, yet i do wonder why it ever lands... well done.
ugh. hope i don't ever go there. ;p
i know i will live and die where ya get changes of seasons, too.
lmp
on The Ballad of Fraser Allonby Q.C., Barrister-At-Law by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w
30 Dec 2005, 2:12 PM
ok, i am sure that this was written before the premier of the TV show "Boston Legal", but Will Shatner's character (Denny Crane) comes to mind here.
well done, a riotous romp at pomp!
An indecent descent should start higher than it ends. No, if it's indecent, the opposite? A dismal workplace you have. Condolences!
ur poem has haunted my mind like a ghost ..good job