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we hold hands when i sleep (Lyric) by hendrimike
when spoken in a dream you seem to understand the words i say and to fully acknowledge all my words you laugh and then you hold my hand we run and dance beneath the stars that shine so bright inside your eyes you keep my soul so close to yours and in those moments i feel alive but when the morning sun appears my dream has become what i have feared an illusion of love has played my mind and i sit up in bed and wonder why your barefeet on the kitchen tiles the breakfast hits my nose you wear my sweatshirt and come to me and tell me our food is on the stove none of it's true except the love i have is for you but my room's a mess and my shoe's untied and i rub away my cloudy mind sleeping has given your love to me but then it's taken away a cruel joke that i play on myself at night and relive the following day you enrapture me when i sleep and freeze me in the day the thought of me inside your heart it filters out my pain... of you not here dreaming of her near dreaming of her here

Down the ladder: Jennifer Entire

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.25
Weighted score: 5.029801
Overall Rank: 7334
Posted: December 30, 2005 10:14 AM PST; Last modified: December 30, 2005 10:14 AM PST
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Comments:
[7] amanda_dcosta @ 203.145.159.37 | 30-Dec-05/10:37 AM | Reply
Hmmm... not very impressive. I usually like love poems, but somehow the punch is missing. I can't quite place my finger in it.
[n/a] hendrimike @ 69.253.194.186 > amanda_dcosta | 30-Dec-05/12:51 PM | Reply
it's not completely about love. and it's a song. it's more about the longing for a love and how it is a one way street during the day and it is only realized at night though dreams.
[7] elderking @ 209.79.199.70 | 31-Dec-05/8:24 PM | Reply
reading it made me feel achy? an empty longing? something along those lines I can't put into words.
I liked all but the last 3 lines.
[7] zodiac @ 70.109.13.79 | 2-Jan-06/7:41 AM | Reply
Rewrite all of this so it's like the fourth verse.
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