| Re: ghost host by elderking |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44 |
31-Dec-05/7:36 PM |
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Happy New Year Elderking. May the new year bring you all that your heart desires..... except ghosts. (unless you really want them.) :-)
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| Re: we hold hands when i sleep by hendrimike |
elderking 209.79.199.70 |
31-Dec-05/8:24 PM |
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reading it made me feel achy? an empty longing? something along those lines I can't put into words.
I liked all but the last 3 lines.
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| Re: Not for Me by TLRufener |
elderking 209.79.199.70 |
31-Dec-05/8:41 PM |
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you've described perfectly an "unhearing" person I knew...he never did "hear" me. enjoyed
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| Re: Nightfall by Niphredil |
some deleted user 204.97.18.217 |
1-Jan-06/3:24 AM |
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Nicely done. You are an extremely talented writer and it's a pleasure read your work.
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| Re: Fate is Great by MacFrantic |
some deleted user 204.97.18.217 |
1-Jan-06/3:31 AM |
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| Re: Crowded by INTRANSIT |
some deleted user 204.97.18.217 |
1-Jan-06/3:39 AM |
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| Re: My Interesting Life by Dovina |
some deleted user 204.97.18.217 |
1-Jan-06/3:46 AM |
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This is really good--what more needs to be said?
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| Re: Shadow's Stride by D. $ Fontera |
some deleted user 204.97.18.217 |
1-Jan-06/3:51 AM |
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Should "shred" be "shed," and "whiddle" be "whittle?" confusing.
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| Re: Nightfall by Niphredil |
Dovina 209.247.222.97 |
1-Jan-06/7:33 AM |
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"Darkling" means "in the dark." So how can the day grow dimmer when it's already dark? Also, if the cedar tree is snowy, and it's branches sway in the breeze, why is there no mention of snow falling in the face of someone lying under it?
It flows well, but I can't get past illogic.
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| Re: Unspoken by Heather2119 |
Dovina 209.247.222.97 |
1-Jan-06/7:34 AM |
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Good material for a poem here. You just need to write a poem about it, and get the grammar straight.
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| Re: Half of All My Lies are True by Enkidu |
Dovina 209.247.222.97 |
1-Jan-06/7:40 AM |
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I know a passionate man who speaks in apparent lies and nonsense to let me know his feelings, because feelings mean more to him than making sense. If this is something like what you want to say, I think you could refine it into something more compelling.
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| Re: loved once by celticskatermatt1 |
Dovina 209.247.222.97 |
1-Jan-06/7:42 AM |
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"again"
leave out "once"
Very sketchy, but good.
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| Re: A Shortcut to Summer by Enkidu |
Dovina 209.247.222.83 |
1-Jan-06/9:03 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Niphredil 192.117.121.155 |
1-Jan-06/10:57 AM |
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Very joyous and alive, it's a pleasure to read :-) I liked the 'gilded' in the first verse; it makes sense.
I don't care much for
"We are of the earth, they sing,
the earth is our body, the earth
is our religion.", as it seems to introduce a streak of penny-philosophy into the poem.
The last three lines are lovely though, and I found myself smiling as I finished reading.
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| Re: Body & Earth by PoeticXTC |
some deleted user 204.97.18.142 |
1-Jan-06/2:35 PM |
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I'm not with this style (sestina), but it looks difficult, and for that you get a 9.
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| Re: Body & Earth by PoeticXTC |
some deleted user 204.97.18.142 |
1-Jan-06/2:39 PM |
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I'm sorry. I meant I'm not familiar with this style (sestina)--you still get a 9.
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| Re: For Love of Baseball by Dovina |
some deleted user 204.97.18.119 |
1-Jan-06/3:01 PM |
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Ah ha! a baseball convert. Welcome to the world of interchangable heroes (free agency).
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| Re: ghost host by elderking |
some deleted user 204.97.18.119 |
1-Jan-06/3:12 PM |
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This is good. I like its rhythm--and the power of the last stanza.
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| Re: when i met sky alone by Prince of Void |
some deleted user 204.97.18.119 |
1-Jan-06/3:21 PM |
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I agree. Line 2 is really good--the rest is confusing.
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| Re: we hold hands when i sleep by hendrimike |
zodiac 70.109.13.79 |
2-Jan-06/7:41 AM |
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Rewrite all of this so it's like the fourth verse.
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