Re: broodmood by lmp	zodiac 70.109.13.79	2-Jan-06/7:42 AM
Any poem with the word "scudding" in it gets an extra point from me.
Re: MEANinglessness by lmp	zodiac 70.109.13.79	2-Jan-06/7:51 AM
Say "fucking". Or, better yet, don't use swear-words (or half-swear-words) at all. This beating-around-the-bush is kind of wack.
Re: Body & Earth by PoeticXTC	zodiac 70.109.13.79	2-Jan-06/7:53 AM
Insane is misspelled. Very funny.
Re: Desperate Season by Sisterwolf	zodiac 70.109.13.79	2-Jan-06/7:58 AM
Hm, I like your more modern-voiced poems a little better. But kudos for the title and Richard III reference. I'm with Dovina: the transition from winter to full summer needs more transitioning. Yes, it's jarring and juxtaposed. No, I don't think that helps the poem. Otherwise, good. I'm glad you stuck around after all.
Re: We'll be right back after these messages by INTRANSIT	zodiac 70.109.13.79	2-Jan-06/8:10 AM
Cute.
Re: Romans 8:28 by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	2-Jan-06/9:48 AM
How deep are the depths of the riches and the wisdom and the knowledge of God!
Re: We'll be right back after these messages by INTRANSIT	Dovina 69.175.32.104	2-Jan-06/12:12 PM
Depressing. Take a long walk.
Re: Claim to Call by MacFrantic	Prince of Void 213.207.224.156	2-Jan-06/12:37 PM
silence of memories haunted ur poem ...nice job
Re: Construction Lot (edit) by zodiac	Dovina 69.175.32.104	2-Jan-06/4:39 PM
The comma in "across the lot, the city sways" seems misplaced, as if it should be two sentences, either a period after trash, or after lot. The dash in march-wind can go I think. In the last verse, you start with "we" and switch jarringly to "I" as if the collective opinion affects what you believe. The mirror makes it feel like flying away to something no better that the city with its faults. Maybe that's what you wanted, or maybe another word, not mirror. Also, "could step out and away" seems cluttered and reducible without ill effect to "step away . . ."
Re: Goodbye Sad Door by woodstock20000	Dovina 69.175.32.104	2-Jan-06/4:47 PM
I like this a lot, up to near the end. Try ending it like this: and so I continue to knock at the iron door I don't think the rest of it helps.
Re: Construction Lot (edit) by zodiac	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	2-Jan-06/6:52 PM
Sunspangled? Maybe you mean sunlight spangled. What about something like this: It is a dizzying day in the city. A March-wind flirting sings in a standpipe in a lot I'm passing by where children used to play. Now the sun flickers behind a fence. And in my heart I yearn to cross that lot, and again on my return, but don’t, knowing in my heart its current kings are cold and stern. I remember when I was younger and wished I could change the world and how the commonness of American complacency drove me crazy. If you wanna beat the system, buy some stock in NC construction Co.s and when you get rich buy yourself a lot for children to play in.
Re: Body & Earth by PoeticXTC	celticskatermatt1 68.8.219.40	2-Jan-06/10:54 PM
pretty swell.
regarding some deleted poem...	Niphredil 132.68.49.52	3-Jan-06/12:18 AM
Hey, you've got my vote.
Re: Schoolyard Walls by Joe-joe	Dovina 69.175.32.104	3-Jan-06/11:35 AM
"bobby sock pick tailed girls" I won't even ask.
Re: This Is Me by PoeticXTC	Dovina 69.175.32.104	3-Jan-06/11:43 AM
Spelling, punctuation, grammar!!
Re: Schoolyard Walls by Joe-joe	PoeticXTC 152.163.100.135	3-Jan-06/11:44 AM
creative perspective
Re: you clinker by celticskatermatt1	Dovina 69.175.32.104	3-Jan-06/11:44 AM
forced rhymes.
Re: Half Hearted by elderking	Dovina 69.175.32.104	3-Jan-06/11:48 AM
The rhymes seem mostly unforced, and the first verse is good. Verses 2 and 3 add little to the meaning, and they flow less well.
Re: Claim to Call by MacFrantic	Dovina 69.175.32.104	3-Jan-06/11:55 AM
I like the idea of this, "Shouting for a sight to see" when the realization stikes "a claim to call on the silence of our memories" as a better thing to do than looking for some sight to see. Maybe that's not what you meant, but I like it.
Re: Construction Lot (edit) by zodiac	Joe-joe 170.28.4.4	3-Jan-06/1:32 PM
The city kids must have moved to the suburbs because a "fence" could never keep one of us out of our favorite play grounds. On one hand you suggest that something was built on the lot, on the other you paint a picture of an empty lot surrounded by a fence. Which one is it? The last paragraph is vague at very best. Are you attempting to highlight the common man's powerlessness in the face of “progress” or your own sense of indifference?