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Goodbye Sad Door

by woodstock20000

Member since 2005 · Posted 2 Jan 2006 · Edited 2 Jan 2006 · 3 comments

I watch him he is an iron door held tight though which silver slivers of starlight peek like tiny flames through a sieve of solitude he opened it a crack once with a small gesture of... something love, or like, or hope... of somesort but closed it up again before I could ever realize how... sad it all was and so I continue to knock uselessly at the iron door but sadly he has eaten the key and I shall never know his starlight again.

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3 comments

[9] Dovina 2-Jan-06/4:47 PM Reply

I like this a lot, up to near the end. Try ending it like this:

and so I continue to
knock
at the iron door

I don't think the rest of it helps.

[9] lmp 3-Jan-06/3:47 PM Reply

i agree with Dovina, but maybe:

"and so I continue to
knock
at the iron door

will I never know his

starlight

again?"

i tend to like the mystery and hope in that sort of ending. the imagination of each reader will keep the poem alive, rather than a clear finality ending it.

the imagery is wonderful and my mind can see this door, perhaps even see the iron dust falling from one of the starlit slivers to the ground with each booming knock.

[9] ALChemy 4-Jan-06/5:58 PM Reply

Could have many different meanings. I kind of wish it was a little bit more specific as it sounds pretty personal. End it sad or happy or hopeful. Which ever way you like. It still sounds good.