Re: This Is Me by PoeticXTC	Joe-joe 170.28.4.4	3-Jan-06/1:41 PM
A bit too much on your subject's physical features. I thought you were going to contrast the strong and self-assured outward appearance of your subject with an ego more fragile than most would think. Having said that I thought the last line was really good...although I would say that vanity is higher on the sin chain than envy.
Re: The Forgetting by Dovina	lmp 141.154.134.3	3-Jan-06/1:58 PM
i like the image, and the hint of living time in reverse (perhaps?). I am confounded however, by the last line; is "pasteless" a typo? or maybe this is a fanciful land where the collage of the child smelling a rose comes to life and "unpastes" himself... quaint and lovely nonetheless, it stimulates conjecture.
Re: This Is Me by PoeticXTC	lmp 141.154.134.3	3-Jan-06/2:07 PM
there appear to be some conflicting descriptions here, about a tight compact frame and yet a soft cushy tushy. strong hands worked to the bone, yet they would undoubtedly be a bit work, cut, and scarred from hard work, and i don't get the idea that your vision of them is as such. the part about the orthodonture work is refreshing; a part of the "perfection" that was coerced into existence rather than happening "naturally". the hint that there may be something wrong (last verse) is also good; very little is ever perfect inside and out. and maybe the real substance of this work is in the last line. if i may offer: edit the desciption down a bit, but expand on the "view from the outside in" and the bit about sin.
Re: The Forgetting by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	3-Jan-06/2:12 PM
What is with you people just making up words whenever it suits you. At least put a footnote to tell us what the heck it means. Actually I think "Eternal paste-tounge now." would have been a lot cuter.
Re: The Stickmen of Fools by embersandenvelopes	lmp 141.154.134.3	3-Jan-06/2:47 PM
sounds like a reaction to a visual art installation at a museum. you know, the ones that are technology-based with scrolling signs and all, in contrast with the more "classic" painting art form. my overall impression is that you don't think to highly of the "newer"-style art, no? 7 for interesting sentiment.
Re: light [edited] by lmp	Dovina 69.175.32.104	3-Jan-06/2:57 PM
I can't picture it. Sorry.
Re: Schoolyard Walls by Joe-joe	Dovina 69.175.32.104	3-Jan-06/3:04 PM
Unless you mean something very annoying, try "pigtailed."
Re: when i met sky alone by Prince of Void	lmp 141.154.134.3	3-Jan-06/3:15 PM
i will wait for the other parts before voting, but so far it feels a bit disjointed: first two lines read like an opening scene for a overly-dramatic "private-eye" novel, then it becomes personal and ethereal. the next two lines lead me to believe your neighbors made too much noise for you to finish writing...
Re: Privacy Compromised by Dovina	lmp 141.154.134.3	3-Jan-06/3:22 PM
huh. so you write from your bed, posting to a (this?)website as soon as you awake after a wild night partying at a gala event and rubbing elbows with those who pick apart your ideas and offer critique of your work. and you try to maintain a facade, a mask to hide behind lest they hurt the real you. that's what i get, anyway. so, who is Tom? <grin>
Re: Whipped (With Preface) by OneFingerAnswer	lmp 141.154.134.3	3-Jan-06/3:32 PM
aptly titled. i think the preface detracts from the haiku; the title alone with the poem would suffice.
Re: Goodbye Sad Door by woodstock20000	lmp 141.154.134.3	3-Jan-06/3:47 PM
i agree with Dovina, but maybe: "and so I continue to knock at the iron door will I never know his starlight again?" i tend to like the mystery and hope in that sort of ending. the imagination of each reader will keep the poem alive, rather than a clear finality ending it. the imagery is wonderful and my mind can see this door, perhaps even see the iron dust falling from one of the starlit slivers to the ground with each booming knock.
Re: Between the Edges by woodstock20000	lmp 141.154.134.3	3-Jan-06/3:50 PM
nice. very introspective. i like.
Re: As we lay by rahson_s	rahson_s 69.201.135.219	3-Jan-06/4:10 PM
Thanks.. It's all in a days work.. Quick and sloppy.. just like it's suppose to be.. thanks again.. Ro- www.utopiawright.com
Re: We'll be right back after these messages by INTRANSIT	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.139.139	3-Jan-06/8:24 PM
I would have liked more... "So I played....with myself...with my guitar...with leggos...the spider in the corner of the window...something! Yeah, depressing...it says play, and I sit passive, watching. (Like 1/2 of America.) I just see that this could have went so many places.
Re: light [edited] by lmp	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.139.139	3-Jan-06/8:43 PM
rind...hmm...fruit/ fades ON your skin.... you put a wilting fruit rind on her/his skin? Not a pretty picture...
Re: loved once by celticskatermatt1	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.139.139	3-Jan-06/8:47 PM
I don't get it.....seems too disconnected. 'again'>typo. I take it you are afraid to commit...once bitten, twice shy thing here? It could have been more clear. Why the shame?
Re: Shut Me Up by D. $ Fontera	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.139.139	3-Jan-06/8:52 PM
I take it you are young or a 'young' writer. This wasn't impressive, but keep trying.
Re: Shadow's Stride by D. $ Fontera	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.139.139	3-Jan-06/8:58 PM
shred reads as a typo...the single comma....'round... other than that the images are dark, but don't paint an entire picture well. It attempts to, but doesn't. I'd say keep working on it...make it more clear what is going on. (all the shades in this black room? black says black...no color...)
Re: Schoolyard Walls by Joe-joe	LilMsLadyPoet 207.69.139.139	3-Jan-06/9:06 PM
giggling, bobby-socked girls, stained-glass I believe it should be. I like this...sweet. A little rough around the edges at> "along with scores of others that I could never hear. Only my own---only those in my time - - -
Re: Schoolyard Walls by Joe-joe	LilMsLadyPoet 72.48.104.244	3-Jan-06/9:07 PM
giggling, bobby-socked girls, stained-glass, one-handed, I believe it should be. I like this...sweet. A little rough around the edges at> "along with scores of others that I could never hear. Only my own---only those in my time - - -