"stained glass", not "stain glass". Plus I don't care for the triple dashes ---; one is more than enough. Other than that, it's very nice.

Youe may have some. jsp-id?=16876

2 things. I think we need a designation for "beat poem" and I was really looking forward to a rhyme with pathological. If you slipped it in there, kudos.

you use a lot of words to convey your premise, but if it is - as i suspect - a rant, that is forgivable. i also think that one point hidden in there is that a certain amount of wealth (somewhere between wealth and poverty, shall we say middle class?) allows for leisure time. it can be said that those with intelligence tend to spend their leisure time in some sort of artistic or inventive pursuit, thereby bearing the fruits of intelligence. the one who must constantly struggle (work several jobs to make ends meet, forage for food and shelter) will have very little spare time to bend their mind to "leisurely" pusuits. i agree that wealth does not beget intelligence. however, being of humble means myself, i do recognize that wealth does open many, many doors of opportunity to those who can pay for it. alternatively, as one who is neither minority nor immigrant nor poor nor female, i do see that in my country many who come here are offered more opportunity with fewer "strings attached" than i would ever be offered. does that mean they are more or less intelligent than i? more or less fortunate than i? or just more qualified to receive assistance than i because of many convoluted and - in my eyes - unjust principles that define our government. but to get back to your essay (?), i think it could benefit from more clearly constructed ideas and more succinct phrasing. in general, i do lean toward your side of the debate.

Poetry should be about imagination. Your step-by-step description doesn't provoke any thought with the reader; it's just a prettified catalogue of yourself. Perhaps more use of metaphor would render the poem more interesting; as it is, it bores me.

whilst all the pretty knives... is a sweet line

quite confused, and not connvinced by the rhymes

would have to agree about the pairing of adjecives. the last block containing the real message of the peice seems a bit too literal an explaination of your idea compared to descriptions in the first two. i despise the words "this society;" consider perhaps culture, age group, income level. you use such colorful words in the rest of the poem compared to "this society."

You've gone from sexy to Marquis de Sade. I miss sexy.

If it's a beat poem, theres to much forced rhyme. Zodiac would say if you have a verse poem try forcing it into a prose format and visa-versa. The flaw I see in doing this is that you can easily lose your emphasis. Still it was a fun read even if I didn't make sense of all of it.

It's perfect in a plain and ordinary kind of way.

Lose the "The". Nice Haiku.

You forgot to describe yourself as like a niggard with money and a wet back when working.

The flow is too marching band-like for a love poem. Don't be afraid to bleed one line into the other by continuing the sentence or changing the meter slightly to slow or quicken the pace for added effect. Maybe something like this: Those half hearted chances at loving once more in half tried romances leave me wanting for impassioned embraces. But allowed just so close. My loving heart races, while ours reach "almost". These pleasures, half tasted, amount to as much as kisses wasted, and hearts untouched.

"willingly digested" does not seem to fit, after all of the "pushing you inside" and "standing sentry over the exit". and perhaps add a little something to the question at the end; it seems to not really be a question but more of a command. "Shall I, now?" or "Shall I, hmm? wonderfully dark without using gory detail. interestingly, i started a series of paintings at one time depicting "shells" of people, although throughout the series they became less of the shells and more substantive.

i like it and i dont care that it doesnt all have a smooth flow; maybe the "catch" is the part that doesn't? i am curious about the impenetrability factor of 8... what's all 'at about?

this isnt mine but i love to share it: best time to go to the dentist: 2:30

Good! :-) loved the irregular rhyming; it created a feeling of anticipation with each line.

Yes, except for "Shall I forever render you hollow and jaded?" I wish somebody knew me so well he could do this. Nice job, but consider making it an experience, not a permanent wounding.

The fragmented sentences don't seem to work for this. The last half of the poem is great.