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Half Hearted

Member since 2005 · Posted 2 Jan 2006 · 2 comments

Taking half hearted chances at loving once more. With half tried romances, I'm left wanting more. Your arm length embraces, I'm allowed just so close. A loving heart races, while ours reach "almost". These pleasures, half tasted, amount to not much. Our kisses are wasted, Our hearts are untouched.

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mean 6.20 weighted 5.14 rank 5407 views 226 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

2 comments

[6] Dovina 3-Jan-06/11:48 AM Reply

The rhymes seem mostly unforced, and the first verse is good. Verses 2 and 3 add little to the meaning, and they flow less well.

[8] ALChemy 4-Jan-06/5:41 PM Reply

The flow is too marching band-like for a love poem.
Don't be afraid to bleed one line into the other by continuing the sentence or changing the meter slightly to slow or quicken the pace for added effect.

Maybe something like this:

Those half hearted chances
at loving once more
in half tried romances
leave me wanting for
impassioned embraces.
But allowed just so close.
My loving heart races,
while ours reach "almost".

These pleasures, half tasted,
amount to as much
as kisses wasted,
and hearts untouched.