ALChemy4 Jan 2006

The flow is too marching band-like for a love poem.
Don't be afraid to bleed one line into the other by continuing the sentence or changing the meter slightly to slow or quicken the pace for added effect.

Maybe something like this:

Those half hearted chances
at loving once more
in half tried romances
leave me wanting for
impassioned embraces.
But allowed just so close.
My loving heart races,
while ours reach "almost".

These pleasures, half tasted,
amount to as much
as kisses wasted,
and hearts untouched.