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a cordial greeting (Free verse) by calliope every face I see reflects
a deeper sense of regret than me.
more than that
minor detail that skitters across
each set of lips
as they say hello.
your poison shoots out of their pores
like a blowgun
and darts toward the dots in my eyes.
missing the lid by an inch,
and my lips always pinch
and purse back that programmed reply.
Up the ladder:
fortune cookie
Down the ladder:
The Heaven lies
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.3333335
Posted: December 28, 2005 12:17 AM PST; Last modified: December 28, 2005 12:17 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.0397344 Overall Rank: 7072 Comments:
[8]
INTRANSIT @ 205.188.116.139
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28-Dec-05/8:01 AM
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Reply
the poison/blowgun/darts part needs redone. I think finding another image would be better. The last line jingles, perhaps another path to try.
You seem to need about 6 more lines between "hello" and "your poison". And a different last line. Other than that, I like it. Especially the rhyme and half-rhyme.
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