Re: Under My Head by Blindpoetry	jh99 75.220.45.254	28-Feb-10/12:43 AM
I am absolutely confused by the lack of sense in this and the structure of some lines makes it worse. If this was intended to be abstract, it's too structured, and it's structure is too abstract.
Re: a piece of me by Freethinker1602	jh99 75.220.45.254	28-Feb-10/12:47 AM
I'm finding out how clichéd this writing is. If you want this thing to be better, come up with more original thinking. This sounds like every POP song I hate.
Re: Break Down by Jeremi B. Handrinos	jh99 75.220.45.254	28-Feb-10/5:42 AM
As one who writes lyrics as well and currently have some under contract, this is a good start. The ideas in this are coming off as original but seem too forced to be strong. I do like that you added the music chords and notes, something that I am working towards. Do not be afraid to look at all genres in music to inspire you. I write for anything from Bluegrass to Reggae to Ska to Folk, it makes you a better songwriter in some ways. This is a good start.
Re: Minoan lover by Jeremi B. Handrinos	jh99 75.220.45.254	28-Feb-10/5:43 AM
Too many forced rhymes. The concept is original but the forced rhymes ruin it. Good start though.
Re: John K Rhyming Dictionary For Beginners by Everyone	jh99 75.220.45.254	28-Feb-10/5:47 AM
This helps. Another thing that would help if aspiring Lyricists would test out their themes in different poetry forms to learn how to use the rhymes better. Villanelle, Rondau, Pantoum, and even Sonnets. This is a great list thanks for posting it up.
Re: Windmill by the Sea by Jeremi B. Handrinos	jh99 75.220.45.254	28-Feb-10/6:29 AM
Seems incomplete. Perhaps " You left ( me ) wanting ( Leaving me to come ) back for more ". Do not be afraid to involve more imagery, metaphors on the wind, windmills, even references to being Don Quixote or Sancho Panza and relationships being the mythical dragon. Typo on " too " should be " to " instead.
Re: Watch Out by Nicholas Monson	jh99 75.220.45.254	28-Feb-10/6:38 AM
I like the originality of this. I think though, that if you experimented with the rhyme scheme it could make it stronger. Maybe a chorus would help as well.
regarding some deleted poem...	jh99 75.220.45.254	28-Feb-10/6:40 AM
This is original and a great start. " to and tune " throws me off but the rest is good. Perhaps a chorus would be good to add, just a thought.
Re: Drowning in Me by scitz	jh99 75.220.45.254	28-Feb-10/6:44 AM
First stanza a bit lengthy but good, second not so much. Too many forced rhymes and bizarre images of cuckoo birds acting like the cow bird or a raptor such as a hawk that cause devastation in the bird world, or even the crow or raven.
Re: Life by Son Of A Bitch	jh99 75.220.45.254	28-Feb-10/7:08 AM
Forced rhymes and clichéd whines. A-A-B-C-B-C...A-A-B-B...A/A-B-C-B the rhyme scheme. A/A means implied/slant rhyme, not working here.
Re: The Cereal Killer Blues by <{Baba^Yaga}>	jh99 75.220.45.254	28-Feb-10/7:31 AM
If I could use an eraser on the first part it would make it better.Do you have any real lyrics offereings or is this a fun game for you ?
Re: Day Of Reckoning by Kitch	jh99 75.252.58.205	2-Mar-10/5:00 AM
Do you read these out loud after you write them ? There are so many " forced rhymes " and clichés that it's painful to read. I would suggest that you look at the lyrics of real songs like Lennon's " Jealous Guy " and Reed's " Endlessly Jealous " to see how you can say so much with so little. Think about metaphors, symbolism, and even using catch phrases to renew this write. As it is, needs a lot of work.
Re: sculpture by ThePariahDog	nypoet22 75.74.32.242	7-Mar-10/6:54 PM
neat!
Re: Gerry's Song by ALChemy	Dovina 76.175.65.32	29-Mar-10/4:54 PM
After all those voyages, rollin' on the sea, my laddie comes sailin' back to me. Was it with she or with he, he'd rather be? In India or California? No matter, long as my laddie's commin' back to me.
Re: Gerry's Song by ALChemy	T. Jonathron Remp 70.253.88.71	29-Mar-10/10:08 PM
THIS MAKES MY NECK HARD *0*
Re: Flood Land, East Kentucky by zodiac	Sasha 128.135.239.69	17-Apr-10/10:29 PM
You should totally come back!!
Re: Reunification, the Pong by http://mulberryfairy	Edna Sweetlove 79.74.75.101	27-Apr-10/9:30 AM
Surely the smells would have reminded you of your trailer park home?
Re: A Reflective Window by lukehanney	Edna Sweetlove 79.74.75.101	27-Apr-10/9:34 AM
The best bit was {Pause} I think.
Re: Poemranker is Back! by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 82.178.138.229	19-Jul-10/10:39 PM
Yay indeed! :)
Re: The still wheel by Caducus	amanda_dcosta 82.178.138.229	19-Jul-10/10:57 PM
Nicely written. I could see where this was going and you have the imageery done well too; but I'd rather you lose some of the unnecessary words like.... 'so she knew he was', 'she had outlived them all' and instead just give a full impact imagery in phrase form. Losing some of those unnecessary words would make it more impressive than it already is.